Capsule Wardrobe: Part 1

This post won't have any pictures...I'm saving those for the next part! Not because they're awesome, but because I still have to take most of them. You're welcome.

So, what is a capsule wardrobe? If you go the queen of all capsule wardrobe sites, Unfancy, she describes it as this: " a mini wardrobe of versatile pieces that I absolutely love." That's pretty simple, but I think that's the point. I would personally describe it as 'a versatile wardrobe of a limited number of pieces that mix and match well, are high quality, fit well, and that I feel good wearing.' My description is a bit longer, but hey, I'm new to this capsule thing and I'll have to minimize my description one day along with my closet I guess. But for now, let's break down the description, to better understand what it is and why I like doing it.

Versatile: While I have a few designated pieces, like a party dress or really nice heels, most everything can be dressed up or dressed down. I have silk shirts that look fancy with a skirt and heels, but are also great for a date night with jeans and flats. The more versatile, the less you need to function in different arenas of life. 

Limited Number: I've heard different numbers thrown around...37, 43, 50. Really, I don't have a specific number of items, as I'm still learning, but I'm trying to keep it between 40 and 50, roughly. Less, ideally. When I say "items" what does that mean? I include literally everything other than underwear, pajamas, workout wear, and the grubby clothes you keep for things like painting or yard work. I have 2 small dresser drawers that these items can fit into. Everyday wear, dressy casual, workwear, and yes, even shoes (gasp!) all fit into the capsule category. So, under 50 of everything combined, not just of shoes, or just workwear. 

Mix and Match Well: I used to buy things that I really liked, but would only go with maybe a certain pair of pants and I had an outfit...but just an outfit. Now, I try to buy things that will go well with lots of other things that I own. This means, for me, a lot of neutral basics, with some punches of color here and there. I really like more fun shoes...I have pink J. Crew New Balance tennis shoes, polka dotted TOMS, cream suede heels, peach colored patent flats. My main color palette for clothing includes black, gray, navy, white and in the fall/winter...flannel.

High Quality: This can be a hard one at first. I already leaned toward this anyway, but it was a bit of a jump for my husband when I came home this summer with a sleeveless chambray shirt that I paid $40 for (at TJ Maxx...it was actually a $100 shirt). We'd both been in the 'buy it as cheaply as possible while still looking nice' camp, and I still am, but only if it's good quality. So if I find a high-end brand at a thrift store, score! Which I totally have...both pairs of dress pants I have are brand new J Crew pants and I paid $3.75/each for them. However, if there's something I am specifically looking for, and know I will wear well, I will pay more for it. That's the beauty of the capsule; spend $40 on one shirt I wear all the time, vs. $10 on 4 shirts that I kind of wear, sometimes. And that shirt was worn all summer long, and into the fall and even now as we approach colder weather, thanks to things like cardigans. 

Fit Well: This was the hardest for me. I was pregnant last year and in the immediate postpartum body for the beginning of this year, so when I started actually wearing my clothes again, I noticed differences. It wasn't only that not all the baby weight wasn't gone (and honestly, that's OK!! If it comes off quickly in a natural way, great. But I'm not killing myself the first year to lose it...things like sleep and mental health are far higher priority in my book), but also, things...shift. Certain parts expand or shrink, may be wider or just carrying differently than before. So some clothes just fit differently. I'm learning more and more to ignore sizes and styles and see what actually fits and looks good on my body, not someone else's. (thank you, Stacy and Clinton!)

Feel Good Wearing: Also figuring this one out. I still have some pieces that I feel good in, yet when I look in the mirror, I'm not so sure. So I'm holding on to them to try in different ways/different outfits to see if they will actually stay or not. But this one is SO important, because when you feel confident, you act more confident. Especially staying home with the boys, for me, this is a good way to make myself not feel like that stereotypical stay-at-home mom that one pictures, living in her robe, hair in a bun, slippers on. (while that totally describes me at this moment, we'll ignore that fact, K? K.)

There you have it. My definition of a capsule wardrobe. I plan to post more about the why behind it, how to afford changing your wardrobe/buying new pieces, show some pictures of my personal wardrobe and what I've learned so far, plus little tips and links to some of my favorite places to shop. 

Now go Marie Kondo on your closet and get back with me! 

Spiral Notebooks and Threenagers

I always have ideas floating around in my head for blog posts, and many times they're very weighty subject matters, because I'm a very analytical person, and I think about everything. But sometimes, we just need good, practical or funny posts. This is one of those.

Trying to just 'do the basics' well can be difficult when you have one wild, rambunctious three year old and an extremely mobile and curious 9 month old. Trying to do them at all is more than one can accomplish many some days. I by no means have all the answers to this, but I am trying to find ways to keep us all sane while accomplishing these goals. I also am trying to avoid being corrected, like when my son looks at me and says 'Mommy, you should not have spoken in anger. Do you need to count to 4?' There's nothing quite like being convicted by a preschooler.

The biggest thing that helps us? A written routine for the day - for GRAHAM. I have my own, because I love a good list, but what do you know?? So does he! (Be still my heart.) I got the idea from a podcast called The Simple Show; I believe it was episode 8. We tried it for a while about a month ago and loved it, then when things started getting busy we stopped, but oh my goodness, we started it back up again today, and it's like magic!! OK, not that awesome, but close.

I literally take a spiral notebook and write out Graham's day, starting with eating breakfast, then his morning chores, anywhere we're going for the day, etc. It helps me because I see what my expectations are of him and if they're too high or low, and it helps him because he feels so big and accomplished when he can check something off. All day today he was asking "what's next in my notebook?" or "NO!!! Jude got my checklist!!" (that was hysterical, not gonna lie. That would totally be my reaction if someone started trying to tear up, or eat in this case, my list.) It also helps him to know that certain things are in fact coming, like watching a TV show. I could remind him that yes, it was on the list, but not yet, we have these things first. And he's all 'OK!' After the defiance and disrespect of this last week, it was SO much better. We still had some of it for sure (rest time, anyone?! We're back to 'I can't do anything by myself including stay in my room alone' phase. Insert hands-over-eyes emoji here.) but overall, way better.

The list also helps me see am I blocking out time with him one on one?? I know this isn't possible every day, but most days, I can do 20 or 30 minutes during one of Jude's naps. And to my extrovert of a child, that is so important! It sometimes makes a small part of the introverted part of me die a slow death when I'm all 'But it's NAP TIME! Peace! Quiet! Maybe some Gilmore Girls!' time. But it's good for us both.

Another big one? Chores. Responsibility. Sometimes I think maybe I'm expecting too much, but often I find I'm not expecting enough. Sometimes it takes a LOT of encouragement, but he's capable of so much, and enjoys being able to do things for himself! These are his typical daily chores:

• get dressed
• help with the chickens
• make bed (with assistance-he does his animals and pillows usually)
• empty the dishwasher (except sharp knives and things on high shelves)
• put any of his clean clothes away that I have folded
• unpack his backpack after preschool/hang up backpack
• set the dinner table
• pick up toys (always, always this is the one that he fights. "But I made too big of a mess!" Exactly, son. Exactly.)

Other things he is learning/can do:

• Pour his own water
• fold cloth napkins
• put laundry in the washer/dryer and help with the detergent
• pick up sticks in the yard
• dust the baseboards
• vacuum (he actually is really good at it and enjoys it!)
• clean the toilet
• take the trash can from the curb
• get his lunch ready (he totally did this today and I was so impressed!!)

Wow. Sometimes I forget how much little ones are capable of, and how much they just want to be a part of things! I guilt myself into thinking they should play more or I should play more...but those shoulds can suck it; kids will find time to play, and they make work into play...I think I can learn a little from them.

I told my husband I was coming to bed in 10 minutes 25 minutes ago...so I should go. I'm curious about any other ways you get the 'basics' accomplished with littles? How do you involve them?

Here's to threenagers, wine, and maybe a little extra wine. Because you can't have one without the other.

Back to Basics

People. I had a whole post written and published about why we were going back to the basics around here, and then boom. It disappeared. The internet service was interrupted and it reverted me back to my draft which was only a few sentences. I would like to not rewrite the entire thing, so sorry, but you'll have to trust me that it was a good one. :)

This past week hasn't been great in the posting department, and I apologize. We've had a hormonal mommy (as my midwife said: "your body likes being pregnant and giving birth. It does not like after that." It's great fun, I assure you.), an extremely defiant almost-four-year-old (he's currently sitting on my chair after coming out of quiet time for the 15th time and having various and sundry consequences and discipline administered. I'm choosing to ignore him while I decided what in the heck to do now), and a baby who we have found is allergic to eggs (boo!!) and was coming off a really bad reaction to those, which involved a lot of vomit, spit up, eczema and little sleep for most of the week. (on the plus side...once it was mostly out of his system, he slept.ALL.NIGHT. I can't even. All the I can't evens.) Just trying to stay sane and stay on top of the laundry was about all we could do, and I'm not even sure we did those very well.

But it's a new week, and we're buckling down here. Back to some basics. Some solid routine and structure and built in margins for all of us. We have a very full but fun weekend planned this coming weekend, so I want to be very intentional with how we prepare for that time!

What do the basics look like to you? I think I'll do a part two of this and share some of how we do routine and structure around here, just little things that make a big difference - in a good way when we do them, and in a not-so-good way when we don't!

Keeping Up Appearances

Today after picking Graham up from preschool, we came home and the boys and I ate lunch outside on our porch. As we ate, I noticed numerous cars driving by slowly and looking at our backyard and at us and kind of smiling as they drove. At first I was a little concerned...what was I missing? Was there a joke I wasn't in on or something? Then I realized...Oh! This actually looks like an idealic situation, and they're smiling at that. Here's what they probably saw:

Chickens pecking in their pen, sweet potatoes that were dug up this weekend curing in the sun, two sweet, well-behaved boys eating their lunch, one in his high chair covered with food, the other sitting across from his mom, talking up a storm. The sun was shining, the leaves were blowing, it was the perfect fall day. Even as I type that, I smile too, because it really was kind of ideal for a few moments. 

I also smile because I know that those moments have been few this week, very few. Our week has been anything but 'ideal'; for every reason and no reason at all...it's been a hard week. And sometimes I think when we have those weeks we fail to see those little ideal moments, the ones that make everyone else smile. I also think it's easy to notice other people's ideal moments, and wonder where ours are, forgetting that in reality, their week may look very similar to ours, but we've just caught them in a good spot. 

I needed that reminder today; maybe you do too? Some weeks are hard. Some days aren't our best. But there are little 'ideal' moments here and there if we look for them. And then maybe we can drive by our own little picture and smile.

Mom Style

So I'm still going to do a capsule wardrobe post, but first, I need to do laundry. The situation is a bit dire. I figure I should actually have clothes to show you if I'm going to do a post about them. Moving on...

As a pre-cursor to that post, I started thinking about styles, trends, etc. I'm very much a classic-meets-modern kind of person. Neutrals are my best friend, and if I go crazy with color, it's probably like a deep plum or an olive green. I'm SO exciting. I actually own one salmon/orange-ish shirt, which is completely out of character for me; I bought it as a back-up to my Chicago bears t-shirt to wear on game days. Fans gotta represent.

I don't do a lot of crazy trendy things, but I did start to think about current trends and realized something: I'm pretty sure a mom of littles (like under 5) came up with most of these trends and managed to make them 'cool'. To that mom, I say thank you. I can appear 'trendy' without much effort. I give you the following examples...

1) Top Knot. This is a mom's best friend. I frequently think this thought: 'How many days can I feasibly go without washing my hair?' The top knot is the answer. Also in the hair category....

Do you think that hair is washed? Ha!

2) Bangs. I can easily wash and dry only my bangs, and the rest of my hair can go into a top knot, and boom. Instant trendy style. Look at me, so fashionable. So unshowered. And for the days you do attempt something...

This in honor of a NEW SEASON OF GILMORE GIRLS?! I can't even.

3) The 'beachy waves' look. I'm convinced this started as a mom who was trying to do her hair, but was interrupted multiple times and finally just gave up. It was half-curled, but someone complimented her, and that was the start.

Easy, as in: Start curling hair. Be interrupted 1200 times. Just give up. 

4) High-waisted jeans. Mommy tummy. Enough said.

OK, we know this lady doesn't have a belly...or does she?? Thanks to the jeans, we'll never know.

5) The 'loose flowy shirt over skinny jeans' trend. Again, the mommy tummy. Play up the best assets, people.

Oh you know, just being my usual rockstar self. I have all the trends. Or in other words, I have kids.

6) The 'no-makeup makeup'. I love this one. Because you know it started with a mom forgetting to take off yesterday's makeup and going out with whatever was leftover, but someone stopped and said oh! So natural! So light! We need to invent a 30 minute process to make this happen! And she just laughed.

I still can't get over the tutorials for this.

7) The big sunglasses/bright lipstick look. This is the classic 'I haven't slept, I didn't have time to get ready, but I'm still totally put together' mom look.

Also, that chic hair? You know it's not washed, and that wet look is probably grease.

8) The cross body bag/backpack trend. We need our hands to be free, and can't have something falling off our shoulders. These both solve this problem.

When I found this picture I also found myself thinking, "I need this bag."

9) Leggings. It's like yoga pants stepped up a notch. What's not to love?

She looks stylish. She feels like she's in pajamas. Except this shoes, which brings me to...

10) Dress flats. Because when I try to walk in heels while carrying a baby, it almost never turns out well.

No lie, I think I own three of the exact styles pictured here.

What other trends do you think were inspired by moms? I'm betting all of them. Here's to working with what you've got, making it cool, and owning it. 

I'm Back!

Popping in to say I'm still here! It's been a very full few days and this project has made me really notice how I prioritize things; it's actually helped me to say 'OK, I can't write today, because I need to do this instead.' That's actually really freeing. I still plan to try to write everyday for the rest of the month, but if I don't, never fear, dear readers, I will be back.

To be fair, (to myself, haha) I have written posts in my head. I haven't actually typed them out, but they're in there. So technically I have written every day, right? Good.

That's it for today's post. It was the most exhilarating thing you've ever read and you'll never be the same, I know.

Here's to priorities, discipline, and the most profound blog post ever written.

Rest

It's Wednesday friends. Hump Day. I think that's supposed to mean the week starts to get better, but, I kid you not, Wednesdays are just rough. I actually read somewhere a few years ago that a woman looks her worst on Wednesday afternoon at 3:35 pm. I believe it. I always have high hopes for Wednesday, but rarely are they achieved. I think I need to reevaluate my Hump Day outlook.

Remember my post on Margins a few days ago? I apparently thought it wise to totally ignore myself, and said 'Yes' to a LOT this week. Couple that with what seems to be a growth spurt and/or food reaction and/or general threenager and a baby who thinks afternoon naps are the most ridiculous thing ever, and I feel like I've worked a 50 hour week in 3 days. (I've done that before. Not recommended.) When I have weeks like this, my tendency is to do two things: 1) take lots of 'breaks' by hiding myself in either aimlessly scrolling through social media or reading random blogs that I 'need' to catch up on, and 2) push myself to do all the things that aren't getting done. These are usually the 'basics', like laundry and dishes, and I feel like those things should be done regardless of what is going on. (Those shoulds, I tell you...) When, in reality, what I need is REST.

We live in a society that does not value rest. At least, not until you've 'earned' it. "Work hard, play hard" we say. So we work til we're in a frenzy and burnt out, then we play til we're exhausted and need a break from all the going and doing...and then the cycle starts over. What about actually resting? Not vegging in front of the TV (which I totally did last night and it was kind of awesome), but really finding something that rests not just our bodies, but our brains and our souls as well? I'm horrible at this; both of my parents (I love you!) struggle with it and I inherited that tendency. Mom is FAR more laid back than dad is, but I recall many a time yelling up the stairs 'Stop doing dishes and just sit down!' I can apparently tell other people how to rest, I just don't do it myself. Friday night is a perfect example. Jim took a break from homework and we watched a movie. But I had to get up to make a snack, then to pee, then to...I don't even know. I can't just sit. I feel like I'm being lazy and unproductive.

And being a mom...oh, don't even get me started. We put SUCH pressure on ourselves! "I'm the mom, I have to do it." "Pull up those bootstraps and get it done." Some days, this may be true, but a lifestyle of it? No. I've finally decided that it's not worth it. We're human. We were made to live in community, not driving 20 minutes just to see another person to share our life with. In other cultures, in past centuries even here, woman lived and worked and did the day to day together, like, physically, not online. (hard to fathom, I know) I have had quite a few days this year where we decided as a family that we'd make do and have Jim take a day off so I could rest. I've driven to a friend's house at 7 am, given her my children and slept in her spare bedroom until 2 pm. I've finally given in to letting my mother in law do dishes and laundry while she's here and not feel guilty about it, but just say 'thank you!'

It may be at a snail's pace, but I'm learning that rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.

We can't give of ourselves if we're depleted. We can't energize others or care for kids or be engaged with our families or work if we're not engaged with ourselves. (that came out weird. but I'm keeping it.) And boy am I ever preaching to myself here. Being a mom isn't being a martyr. Being an employee isn't either, or a whatever. They are roles, parts of us, but they are not us. Regardless of our stage of life, we were created with a unique and amazing design and specific characteristics to reflect God's glory. It may come out in our various roles, but those roles do not define us, God does. And to be at our best, at our highest potential, sometimes, we just have to let it go and rest.

Today, that looked like forgetting some of the to-dos and taking a walk after preschool with the boys. Let me tell you, that instinct SAVED me today. I adore nature and the weather in October is amazing. We had a rough afternoon after that, but it gave me just enough energy to push through. Usually on Wednesdays, I go to yoga downtown. Jim takes the boys to church and goes to a marriage class. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband is at church learning how to work on our marriage, and I'm at yoga. And it's perfect for us right now. Our marriage is better because both of these things provide us rest and reprieve individually, which brings us closer together as a couple. Since the baby ended up going to bed at 6, I volunteered to stay home and do yoga a different day this week. Because today, rest for me looks like writing this post and cleaning my house. It may not sound restful to you, but once it's done, I guarantee you I will look around, smile, and breathe a gigantic sigh of relief.

Here's to rest, to finding what fills you, and to my husband...who did the dishes and brought me a large glass of wine as I sat on the couch before he left. He's the best.