Grace

Hi. *sheepish grin* I know I haven't written since Thursday. And I'm OK with that. We've had a very full couple of days and I had to prioritize, and I'm not sorry to say, writing was at the bottom of the list. I love writing, and I'm really enjoying this challenge - how much it's stretching me and helping me to develop some new disciplines. But sometimes, I can't do all the things, and these past two days have remained me of that.

I'm not sure if anyone truly realizes how big of a deal it is that I just wrote that.

Actually, my immediate family would, and maybe former co-workers. I'm a Type-A, list making, productivity oriented, fill life to the brim and keep filling kind of person. In many ways, these are good tendencies, and I use them to help organize our home, our finances, our schedules. I've learned over the years, however, that as with most things in life, 'all or nothing' is very rarely the right approach. Type A vs Type B, Republican vs. Democrat, cat people vs. dog people...we treat them as if they're polar opposites at war with one another, and say things like 'I can't stand not having a schedule' or 'those liberal bleeding-hearts' or 'I'll run over your cat'. In reality, we need both ends of the spectrum, and really, the "right" answer usually lies somewhere in the middle. I may be Type A, but I have small children and have needed to learn flexibility. I am pro-life, but that applies to ALL life, and quite frankly, 'those liberals' tend to do a better job in some of those areas. I'm allergic to cats, but they make great memes. (see: Grumpy Cat)

In other words, it's about Grace. Giving it to others, and just as importantly, to ourselves. I've never been good at that last part, for lots of reasons that maybe one day I'll write a book about. But if motherhood has taught me one glaringly overarching thing, it's that I am FAR from perfect, can not do everything, and I can choose to wallow in despair over that or I can give myself some grace. And I can choose good things, but I can't choose all the things, because every time I say yes to one thing, I automatically say no to the others.

Multitasking isn't all it's cracked up to be (my former self would have fainted at that thought!) *Note: there are seasons where it's required; I'm not referring to that. Although often what we think is a have to may not really be...* We pride ourselves on our ability to juggle so many balls, to spin all the plates. We all know that eventually one of those balls will fall (or two or three or four), and some of the plates will shatter. Yet we press on like it's worth it...and for what? To put new plates and new balls in the air, and wait for the next drop, the next shattering? What if we just picked up one ball at a time? What if we carried that plate with two hands, and set it nicely back where it goes when we were done, always able to pull it back out again when we need it? What would we lose? Stress, hurry, worry? But what would we gain?? Breathing room. focus. energy. being present.

I'm typing this to myself, because I may have done a good job with grace the past two days, but had you looked at my week prior to that and I utterly failed in the grace area. Even now, as I'm typing this, my head is fighting me with thoughts of 'you need to put a load of laundry in' 'is everything done for lunch?' 'you should put on real pants.' That's the beauty of grace though; it meets you where you are and picks right back up where you left it.

Here's to growth. To new starts every day. To Grace.