Margins

Sorry, friends. I dropped the Write31Days ball yesterday. I was going to write at 11 pm, but decided maybe sleep would be a better choice. I am happy to report that it was.

But, I'm back! Semi-awake, but here nonetheless. For some reason, this week has already been a bit crazy, and we're not even through Tuesday. Last week was a slower, smoother week, and this week seems to barreling forward with no sign of slowing down. But it does lead me to today's topic...margins. You know those little white spaces that annoyed the crap out of you in college: 'Your paper must have .5' margins on the sides. But 1" margins on the top. After the header. Above the footer. And you need an extra .5' on the left side.' Something like that.

But really, that's exactly what margins are - blank space. Cue Taylor Swift lyrics..."Cause I've got a blank space baby, and I'll write your name." (I totally did that by the way. In high school. HIS name. Or my name with HIS last name. All up in those margins.) Margins are that empty space just begging to be written in, begging to be filled with the fun things, the pretty things, not the boring notes you're taking. Or, at least, that's what I used to think.

I'm learning that I actually like paper with some white space. It looks clean and organized. I can look at a neatly formed list and breathe a little sigh...it doesn't have crazy doodles and weird shapes or bubble letters all over it. Even though those things are fun to draw and enjoyable in the moment, they end up leaving the page feeling frantic and crazy, and very, very difficult to read. You do see where I'm going with this, right?

When we try to fill every 'blank space', every margin - even with good, fun things - it ends up getting a bit crazy. Sure, at first it's fun; we're trying out new ideas and seeing people we love and visiting all the places and going to all the things. And there are seasons for that. But fill those margins too often, for too long, and your life resembles my 11th grade science notebook...not a lot of content, but a lot of 'extra' that doesn't really have any place, and is hard to make sense of when you step back and look at it. Speaking from experience, we've had many of those seasons. They were a little easier to have when we didn't have kids (ha!) but we've had them since. It's part of this desire to live a more 'simple life'. To slow down, to breathe, to enjoy the actual content of our lives, without having to always add to it, or fill it full to the brim.

Margins allow us to say 'Hey! Come over for dinner!' or 'Sure, you can play with Graham'. They allow me to enjoy a fall afternoon reading outside knowing there is time and space to get some of the 'to-do's' done later. They also allow me to say NO. No, I can't do that, because we are doing this and this, and that's enough. No, I can't do that fun thing today, because I do have 'to-dos' and need to do them today to do the other fun thing I was looking forward to tomorrow.

Margins are also hard. We live in an amazing area where there is ALWAYS something to do. Always. This weekend is a perfect example: Food Truck Thursdays and the LU Market, shows downtown and art galleries to see, the farmer's market, Bedford Centerfest, apple orchards, Appomattox Railroad festival, brunch with friends, a rodeo...and that's just within 3 days and a 30 mile radius! There's a part of me that wants to do all the things. Inevitably, someone will do one of the things and post it online and I think 'Ooo! We should have done that.' But those shoulds are sneaky. If you find yourself saying it often, it's a good time to ask yourself 'says who??' When we operate on shoulds (as I have learned, because I am the recovering queen of them) we fail to actually live within the margins of our own lives. And we miss out on the beauty of the life we've personally been given to live.

There will be busy weeks, busy months, busy seasons. That's life. But we are in control of how much we allow to fill our margins, and I'm learning the less full that they are, the more full that I am.

Here's to the freedom to say no, blank space, and Tay Swift, because who doesn't love her, really? (even if in secret...you know it's true.)

Simple Health

Well, our nights have kept going downhill...last night I was up googling 'whooping cough', 'croup', 'when to take your baby to the ER'...it was a little scary! I "slept" in Jude's room all night (quotations are very purposeful), and we did a few applications of garlic salve, a lot of singing and shushing, and a few sauna sessions in a steamy bathroom (that would be a sexy thought if a baby wasn't involved. Although...if a baby wasn't involved, it may result in a baby being involved...).

He still had a crummy cough this morning, so we went ahead and went to urgent care. Which, can we note, is never very urgent. I haven't quite figured that out. You could tell the doctor was thrilled to be there (ha.) and thought I was probably just bringing in a baby with a cold. Once he did a check up, he quickly changed his attitude, and with a negative strep test, all signs point to spasmodic croup. It's basically croup brought on by allergies, so it comes and goes. This is consistent with what we've been talking with his pediatrician about...we just don't know what allergens are affecting him (other than corn dust when we were in Iowa).

This is pretty common for us with both boys - go to the doctor just to be sure nothing more is going on, get that confirmed, and then back home to treat on our own. Their type of allergies (you can check out this page for more info) are actually pretty rare, and the majority of doctors we talk to either have never heard of them, or are vaguely familiar. Diagnosing Graham took 2 years! We carry a letter specifically for medical professionals so we can explain what it is and why we have to be careful with treatment. They are allergic to most medications and vaccinations (due to ingredients) so it can be a delicate dance.

All of that got me thinking...while our boys' health is complicated, our treatments are actually quite simple. Having to deal with a lot of it on our own has led us to find some great at-home treatments, and you don't have to spend a lot of money for them either! Things like essential oils and tinctures and salves can be overwhelming at first; I thought I would share a few of our tried-and-true remedies here!

Please note two things: 1) make sure to get high quality essential oils, especially if applying to skin, and always dilute if applying to skin. 2) I'm not a medical professional, so please just take these as a 'what worked for us' post. 

If you want to start a basic 'kit', these are really the things we use most.

• lavender oil
• eucalyptus oil
• peppermint oil
• Theives oil
• clove oil
• coconut oil
• apple cider vinegar
• garlic
• onions
• a diffuser

Some combination of these can usually help to treat most of our 'common' ailments. Here are a few we use often:

For general coughs/colds:

• -eucalyptus oil diluted with coconut oil. Rub on the chest and soles of the feet (like Vicks, but better!)
• -especially if viral, rub diluted Theives on the spine. Most viruses live on the spine, and this helps to dissipate it and strengthen the immune system. I am always amazed at how well this works!
• use Thieves in coconut oil as a 'lotion' for the hands - it's antiviral so will protect better than hand sanitizer!
• -for kids old enough to drink water out of a cup: add 1 tsp of apple cider vinegar + honey to their water to break up a cough
• -get garlic in them in any way possible! We make a garlic salve (that smells, um...pungent.) to rub on the chest, back and feet for coughs (been using this today a lot!). Fresh garlic on buttered toast, sautéed kale with garlic, soup with garlic...basically get.it.in.them. It's a natural antibiotic and the more the better!
• diluted peppermint oil rubbed on the temples to help with headaches
• lavender and eucalyptus oils diffused

Earaches/teething:

• -diluted lavender oil rubbed behind the ears
• -heat coconut oil with fresh crushed garlic, strain and let cool so it won't burn, then drop into the ear
• -put onions in their socks (weird, I know!) or in compresses on their ears
• -diluted (VERY diluted, as clove oil is strong) clove oil directly on the gums for teething pain
• I'm currently making a teething tincture with safflower oil, chamomile flowers, willow bark, clove and peppermint oil

Upset stomachs/gas:

• -diluted peppermint oil rubbed on the soles of the feet and on the stomach directly 
• -not on the 'list' but Kids Calm is a magnesium supplement that has been a Godsend for us. You put 1/4 tsp in hot water and let it fizz, then add to their bottle. Magnesium helps the intestines do what they are supposed to do...it's the only thing that has consistently worked for Jude!
• -warm (not hot) chamomile tea

This is far from a comprehensive list, and I'm constantly learning more. This book I picked up at an Amish house near my parents has been really helpful for us - the author is a midwife and has 9 children of her own, 8 of which had food intolerances...so it's right up my ally. I can't vouch for everything in the book, but the general remedies have been extremely helpful. 

Jude fell asleep quite easily tonight, so I'm hoping for a more peaceful rest. We have a humidifier going with lavender oil, he has garlic salve all over him, there's a cut onion sitting in his room, and I gave him the one kind of pain reliever he isn't allergic to - Advil brand baby, white grape flavor. Here's to learning new things, REST, and the makers of Advil, because I love them.

Do you have any other tried and true home remedies? I'd love to hear them!!

Groundhog Day

Remember yesterday's post, where I woke up crabby, the baby wouldn't sleep, etc.? Hi, welcome back.

I think a lot of parenthood can feel like the movie Groundhog Day...the same day plays over, and over, and over again, until you're pretty sure you're going crazy. It usually lasts for short seasons, but when you're in them, whew!

We've had a rotating series of them since the beginning of August; Jude's allergies (see this post for some explanation) aren't just to some foods, but also outdoor allergens. The change in seasons has had him go through spurts of croup-like sickness, where he coughs so much he ends up spewing up the contents of his stomach. It's delightful, especially at 2 am. Once it's done he's all 'Hey! Let's play!' however, I don't feel quite the same. Couple that with the rain we've had lately and the hubby also being sick and holed up in the bedroom...yeah. Honestly, I almost didn't write today because I figure no one cares to read about this. Honestly, I don't blame you, I'd be finding some funny Jimmy Fallon sketch to watch instead...which I'll probably do anyway.

But, I'm committing to doing this, so here we are. After the 2 am incident and another waking, I finally declared today a 'newborn day'. It's how I remind myself that some days are just, simply, living. There may not be a lot accomplished, we may not get dressed, or if we do it's just to run to Target at 4:30 pm (I'm already planning that trip for after nap time!), but that's OK. We're fed, we're alive, and there is plentiful grace for us all. And muffins. And movies.

So here's to lazy days, baking all the things (it's probably good I'm wearing stretchy pants) and letting your kids watch those really weird Saturday morning cartoons. Congratulations, we made it.

Rainy Days and Rituals

I'm finally getting to write a post at 9pm...but I'm doing it! I promise no consistency in actual times posted each day, just that it will be done.

As promised, today was full of rain. Not quite hurricane-force, but cold and rainy and windy for sure. Even though I was prepared for it, for some reason I just woke up crabby. It probably has something to do with not going to bed til 1 am...maybe. Last night we were able to go to the quarterly wine club party at Blenheim Vineyards, where we're members. (oh SO fancy, right? ha. It was a gift, and it's the most chill winery I've ever been to. I love it!) Its claim to fame is that Dave Matthews owns it, although he's rarely there. Fun fact: he was there, on Father's Day, and I totally used my baby as a way to meet him. Cute babies for the win! Here's proof:

We decided that this will now be a date night ritual; every 3 months, we go to this shindig and get to feel fancy and drink good wine. Anyway, the winery is about an hour away, and after all the fun of the party we went to Whole Foods to get groceries, so we didn't get home til after 11. Which is exactly when the baby decided to wake up, and not really settle til after 12:30. AM. I don't know the last time I stayed up that late, which is both comical and awesome at the same time. I'm totally OK with quiet evenings at home these days. Mainly because they're quiet.

My crabby self was having a hard time getting out of its funk this morning...between the 3 year old's nonstop talking and the baby refusing to nap, things were escalating quickly to where the whole day could have just gone to the crapper. Instead, I did a lot of inward self-talk (this is not a normal day. You are tired. You're all tired. Their attitudes don't have to shape yours. Etc. Etc.) and jumped in the car to meet some friends at our local children's museum. And on the way, I realized that it's kind of becoming a Friday 'thing' to go there, and I like it. The rest of our week is pretty busy with preschool, Bible study and other commitments, so Friday has become our rest day, our 'fun' day.

I'm big on routine, but am realizing that sometimes those routines have to be extremely flexible with small children. So we have 'days' each week.

Sundays are church and family days, and Sunday nights I plan our week.
Mondays I usually finish up what I didn't get planned Sunday night, (usually due to important things like Downton Abbey), and I try to attend The Motherhood Collective.
Tuesdays are writing mornings for me, school for Graham. It's also 'goat milk day!' (is that weird that it's a thing? It is.) where we go pick up Jude's goat milk and get any chicken supplies, etc. that we need.
Wednesdays are school for Graham, and cleaning day at home. We do the whole house in a day, but we have the WHOLE day to do it, so it's less stressful to me. I also have yoga Wednesday evenings.
Thursdays are Bible Study morning and usually a Target or other 'fun' errand in the afternoon. (library, etc.)
Fridays are, apparently, 'fun'. I love when routines and rituals just organically happen, like going to the children's museum!
Saturdays are usually family outings - sometimes just running errands or going to the market, other times we'll do day trips in our area.

Today, when we came home Jude proceeded to sleep for 3 hours(!!!) so Graham and I watched Frozen (I actually napped next to him and pretended to know what was going on when he'd lean into my face and say 'Mommy, did you see that? That was so funny.') then ended up making a bunch of food. We made bone broth for soup and cooked and mashed butternut squash from our garden to use in place of pumpkin (which I forgot at the store). We then made pumpkin scones (with EGGS. this is big. Food trial for Graham, he used to be highly allergic...so far, so good!) and made dinner for this evening as well. We ended up with leftovers, the beginnings of soup for tomorrow, scones and enough pureed squash for muffins...it got me thinking, maybe Friday afternoons/evenings will be reserved for 'Food Prep' after all our fun! (why Friday is the only alliterated day, I don't know, but for fear of being far more cheesy than this already is, we'll leave it there.)

Rituals are how I keep things 'simple' for us. I'm a planner by nature, and constantly am fighting the tension of that tendency while living in our reality. All of this rambling to say, today turned out OK after all. We giggled and played, there were time outs and tantrums (by all, ha!) but overall, a good one. Here's to rainy days, rituals, and turning the day around! And here's a cute picture of my boys wrestling in the kitchen, because they're boys, and that's what they do.

It's Fall Y'All!

Do you know how many times I've wanted to say that, but don't, for fear of sounding incredibly Northern? Actually, I'll probably just stick with writing it out, because then you can imagine I have an appropriately cute Southern accent, when, in reality, I talk like the people on TV.

If you've read this blog at all, you know my posting is anything but consistent. This month, however, shall change all that! (at least for a month...small goals, people, small goals.) I'm linking with the Write31Days project and posting EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. in October. I know. I'll give you a minute.

...OK. Now that you're settled and anxiously awaiting what I'm going to say for an entire month! (sarcasm)...what AM I going to say for an entire month? Picking a single topic gave me some serious anxiety and writer's block, which is a little bit unhelpful if I have to have content every day. So I chose a broad topic: Simply Living. It's a bit of a play on words...I'll talk about actual simple living; simple whole foods, decluttering like a mad woman, how I've switched to a capsule wardrobe and LOVE it (my dad will never believe me there, ever. I was the one who bought all the things!). I'll also talk about simply living; raising babies and food and chickens, finding unexpected joy and rest in small rhythms and routines, NOT doing all the things. (are we sensing a pattern here?)

So today, in honor of simply living, I'm celebrating fall. It's the first day of October, and after a week of rain we had sun and 80 degree weather yesterday. Tonight is supposed to bring crazy amounts of rain thanks to hurricane Joaquin, (have you seen this meme?? Amazing.)

...but today is just perfectly FALL. Drizzly and overcast, cool enough for a sweater but warm enough for no coat, boots weather because it's wet, and I ate a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup that we had preserved from last year's garden for lunch. I'm also writing and ignoring the fact that my baby is trying to wake up from his nap FAR too early...but I  suppose I should go see about that.

Here's to Fall, to October, to Write31days! Cheers!

(those pumpkins are from our garden!! Eek! Best thing I've grown yet.)

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers" - Anne of Green Gables

Seasons

Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn. (I actually thought it was yesterday and baked pies and bought a new candle to celebrate. Slightly embarrassing, but hey, we all need some extra fall in our lives.)

Sort of on accident, this has become my theme for the year - 'Seasons'. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 'For everything there is a season') The first year of babyhood is hard for me. There are parts I adore; the firsts, the giggles, the times when they just fall asleep in your arms and cuddle. I don't want those moments to pass. But there are also times I really, really dislike...figuring out food allergies (this is "normal" for us); when they fight sleep and you're basically wrestling a 'ninja octopus' as my husband refers to it; when they're fussy and want to be held and you just.want.SPACE. (like all the time?) Really, what I'm saying is that I'm human. I'm innately selfish and that first year challenges that to its core. And sometimes I fight that challenge, because darn it, let me just stay comfortable!!

Of course, I don't truly want to just stay comfortable; it's just a heck of a lot easier. Then again, I feel the same way about summer. I get all excited for leisurely days and water play and sunshine, but when it comes I'm soon tired of being sweaty, tired of the lack of routine and longing for 'bouquets of sharpened pencils' (if you get that reference we can be friends).

And yet.

And yet, when August rushes in with its schedules and calendars, I get just a little wistful...one more day so we can have a fire pit...one more weekend of lingering and staying up late...one more pool day...one more, one more.

I'm learning, be it ever so slowly, to love the season I am in, for what it IS. The fun parts and the hard parts. Because just as the air now has a nip in it and the leaves are turning colors, each life season too will pass. And I will be wistful at times, wishing for one more, one more.

Anne of Green Gables

I cried this week.

OK, that's not really news. I still have crazy post-baby hormones so I cry every week, probably more than once. But this week it took me by surprise. Both boys were asleep at the same time (hallelujah!) and I decided to pop in Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel (also known as Anne of Avonlea) while I folded some laundry. The second the menu screen came up and the notes of the familiar music swelled, I literally burst into tears. Like, pouring from my eyes ugly crying. What the crap.

Maybe I should pause here to explain that I grew up on these movies. I LOVED them, and still do. I own the 5-dish extended pack DVD special edition set. Gilbert Blythe could do no wrong in my eyes. I wanted to BE Anne - spunky, independent, nerdy and proud yet still graceful and beautiful. If it was a rainy day, or I was home sick, you could almost guarantee that Anne was on our TV. My middle name is Ann and I remember going through a period where I would practice writing it with an 'e' on the end, because, duh.

So back to me sobbing my little heart out in my living room. At first I assumed it was a wave of some hardcore nostalgia; and it was, to some extent. But as I sat there, I realized I needed that cry, and that I needed to kind of sit in those feelings for a bit. So I did. (praise the Lord the mailman didn't walk up then. Awkward.) It really was a culmination of so many things; things I hadn't really been letting myself focus on.

A) It's the end of summer. That time when it starts to get a little less humid yet is still crazy hot and you want to squeeze every ounce of these lazy days for all they're worth before the fall business sets in. Every year at this time I get incredibly homesick for Iowa. It's weird. I think it's because the State Fair is in August and we usually go visit then anyway...it just makes me long for summer there, for some land and some space and simplicity at its finest...because there really isn't a whole lot around. So when that first picture popped up and there were hay fields, well...forget it.

B) Anne and Diana. Their bond has always baffled and eluded me. I have some close girlfriends for sure, but nothing like that. I've always gotten along better with guys, but motherhood has changed that for me. That being said, making girl friends is still hard, and some days I think I feel that more than others. I AM a lot like Anne (I guess I got my wish??), and like her, sometimes I don't quite 'fit' in with what I guess would be the norm. Although there's really NOT a norm...some days it can just feel like whatever it is, you're definitely not it. Ironically, those days usually align with babies not sleeping well and too many days without good solid conversation...so then it all seems so much worse!

C) Simplicity. Seriously, have you watched these movies? The scenery is just...AHHHH. It's like a visual sigh. I just want to sit in the fields with the cows. You don't even think about the fact that when Anne is holding a dying Matthew, she probably sat in a cowpie. Or that walking through the woods to town would leave you covered in mosquito bites and extremely sweaty. Because it's just so pretty, you get lost in it. And it leaves this longing for that. For more peace, more quiet, more simplicity. (Until you have too much of that, and then you have the problem of point B.) We have an amazing neighborhood that if/when we ever move, I will be truly sad to leave behind. But the part of me that grew up in small towns (so that would be all of me til the age of 19 or so) honestly misses it. Being able to walk out your door and have a view that isn't the city bus driving by. Or having to actually plan to go to Target, instead saying 'I'm bored, the kids are restless, we'll head to Target!' I feel crazy even saying that, because...it's Target, hello.

I think really we've just been in a harder season and sometimes, that just catches up to you. Jim's getting ready for his internship and has 2 more classes til graduation in May. We're parenting a three year old (threenager, anyone?!) We have a baby who has had a lot of health issues for his little life and is currently going through a bit of a sleep regression (read: we all are). I've had some health issues since birth that we're still working on (like the time I had 4 periods in a month. Yes. 4.)

There are a lot of 'reasons' I suppose. But really, I think I just needed a good cry. Sometimes we all do. So if you're feeling like life is piling up, things are hectic or overwhelming a bit, or you just need a break, might I suggest a little Anne? It's cheaper than therapy, won't cause weight gain like chocolate might and is healthier than alcohol (although can easily be enjoyed with a good glass of wine). It just may be the cure for whatever ails you. Thanks, Anne.