Mom Style

So I'm still going to do a capsule wardrobe post, but first, I need to do laundry. The situation is a bit dire. I figure I should actually have clothes to show you if I'm going to do a post about them. Moving on...

As a pre-cursor to that post, I started thinking about styles, trends, etc. I'm very much a classic-meets-modern kind of person. Neutrals are my best friend, and if I go crazy with color, it's probably like a deep plum or an olive green. I'm SO exciting. I actually own one salmon/orange-ish shirt, which is completely out of character for me; I bought it as a back-up to my Chicago bears t-shirt to wear on game days. Fans gotta represent.

I don't do a lot of crazy trendy things, but I did start to think about current trends and realized something: I'm pretty sure a mom of littles (like under 5) came up with most of these trends and managed to make them 'cool'. To that mom, I say thank you. I can appear 'trendy' without much effort. I give you the following examples...

1) Top Knot. This is a mom's best friend. I frequently think this thought: 'How many days can I feasibly go without washing my hair?' The top knot is the answer. Also in the hair category....

Do you think that hair is washed? Ha!

2) Bangs. I can easily wash and dry only my bangs, and the rest of my hair can go into a top knot, and boom. Instant trendy style. Look at me, so fashionable. So unshowered. And for the days you do attempt something...

This in honor of a NEW SEASON OF GILMORE GIRLS?! I can't even.

3) The 'beachy waves' look. I'm convinced this started as a mom who was trying to do her hair, but was interrupted multiple times and finally just gave up. It was half-curled, but someone complimented her, and that was the start.

Easy, as in: Start curling hair. Be interrupted 1200 times. Just give up. 

4) High-waisted jeans. Mommy tummy. Enough said.

OK, we know this lady doesn't have a belly...or does she?? Thanks to the jeans, we'll never know.

5) The 'loose flowy shirt over skinny jeans' trend. Again, the mommy tummy. Play up the best assets, people.

Oh you know, just being my usual rockstar self. I have all the trends. Or in other words, I have kids.

6) The 'no-makeup makeup'. I love this one. Because you know it started with a mom forgetting to take off yesterday's makeup and going out with whatever was leftover, but someone stopped and said oh! So natural! So light! We need to invent a 30 minute process to make this happen! And she just laughed.

I still can't get over the tutorials for this.

7) The big sunglasses/bright lipstick look. This is the classic 'I haven't slept, I didn't have time to get ready, but I'm still totally put together' mom look.

Also, that chic hair? You know it's not washed, and that wet look is probably grease.

8) The cross body bag/backpack trend. We need our hands to be free, and can't have something falling off our shoulders. These both solve this problem.

When I found this picture I also found myself thinking, "I need this bag."

9) Leggings. It's like yoga pants stepped up a notch. What's not to love?

She looks stylish. She feels like she's in pajamas. Except this shoes, which brings me to...

10) Dress flats. Because when I try to walk in heels while carrying a baby, it almost never turns out well.

No lie, I think I own three of the exact styles pictured here.

What other trends do you think were inspired by moms? I'm betting all of them. Here's to working with what you've got, making it cool, and owning it. 

I'm Back!

Popping in to say I'm still here! It's been a very full few days and this project has made me really notice how I prioritize things; it's actually helped me to say 'OK, I can't write today, because I need to do this instead.' That's actually really freeing. I still plan to try to write everyday for the rest of the month, but if I don't, never fear, dear readers, I will be back.

To be fair, (to myself, haha) I have written posts in my head. I haven't actually typed them out, but they're in there. So technically I have written every day, right? Good.

That's it for today's post. It was the most exhilarating thing you've ever read and you'll never be the same, I know.

Here's to priorities, discipline, and the most profound blog post ever written.

Rest

It's Wednesday friends. Hump Day. I think that's supposed to mean the week starts to get better, but, I kid you not, Wednesdays are just rough. I actually read somewhere a few years ago that a woman looks her worst on Wednesday afternoon at 3:35 pm. I believe it. I always have high hopes for Wednesday, but rarely are they achieved. I think I need to reevaluate my Hump Day outlook.

Remember my post on Margins a few days ago? I apparently thought it wise to totally ignore myself, and said 'Yes' to a LOT this week. Couple that with what seems to be a growth spurt and/or food reaction and/or general threenager and a baby who thinks afternoon naps are the most ridiculous thing ever, and I feel like I've worked a 50 hour week in 3 days. (I've done that before. Not recommended.) When I have weeks like this, my tendency is to do two things: 1) take lots of 'breaks' by hiding myself in either aimlessly scrolling through social media or reading random blogs that I 'need' to catch up on, and 2) push myself to do all the things that aren't getting done. These are usually the 'basics', like laundry and dishes, and I feel like those things should be done regardless of what is going on. (Those shoulds, I tell you...) When, in reality, what I need is REST.

We live in a society that does not value rest. At least, not until you've 'earned' it. "Work hard, play hard" we say. So we work til we're in a frenzy and burnt out, then we play til we're exhausted and need a break from all the going and doing...and then the cycle starts over. What about actually resting? Not vegging in front of the TV (which I totally did last night and it was kind of awesome), but really finding something that rests not just our bodies, but our brains and our souls as well? I'm horrible at this; both of my parents (I love you!) struggle with it and I inherited that tendency. Mom is FAR more laid back than dad is, but I recall many a time yelling up the stairs 'Stop doing dishes and just sit down!' I can apparently tell other people how to rest, I just don't do it myself. Friday night is a perfect example. Jim took a break from homework and we watched a movie. But I had to get up to make a snack, then to pee, then to...I don't even know. I can't just sit. I feel like I'm being lazy and unproductive.

And being a mom...oh, don't even get me started. We put SUCH pressure on ourselves! "I'm the mom, I have to do it." "Pull up those bootstraps and get it done." Some days, this may be true, but a lifestyle of it? No. I've finally decided that it's not worth it. We're human. We were made to live in community, not driving 20 minutes just to see another person to share our life with. In other cultures, in past centuries even here, woman lived and worked and did the day to day together, like, physically, not online. (hard to fathom, I know) I have had quite a few days this year where we decided as a family that we'd make do and have Jim take a day off so I could rest. I've driven to a friend's house at 7 am, given her my children and slept in her spare bedroom until 2 pm. I've finally given in to letting my mother in law do dishes and laundry while she's here and not feel guilty about it, but just say 'thank you!'

It may be at a snail's pace, but I'm learning that rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.

We can't give of ourselves if we're depleted. We can't energize others or care for kids or be engaged with our families or work if we're not engaged with ourselves. (that came out weird. but I'm keeping it.) And boy am I ever preaching to myself here. Being a mom isn't being a martyr. Being an employee isn't either, or a whatever. They are roles, parts of us, but they are not us. Regardless of our stage of life, we were created with a unique and amazing design and specific characteristics to reflect God's glory. It may come out in our various roles, but those roles do not define us, God does. And to be at our best, at our highest potential, sometimes, we just have to let it go and rest.

Today, that looked like forgetting some of the to-dos and taking a walk after preschool with the boys. Let me tell you, that instinct SAVED me today. I adore nature and the weather in October is amazing. We had a rough afternoon after that, but it gave me just enough energy to push through. Usually on Wednesdays, I go to yoga downtown. Jim takes the boys to church and goes to a marriage class. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband is at church learning how to work on our marriage, and I'm at yoga. And it's perfect for us right now. Our marriage is better because both of these things provide us rest and reprieve individually, which brings us closer together as a couple. Since the baby ended up going to bed at 6, I volunteered to stay home and do yoga a different day this week. Because today, rest for me looks like writing this post and cleaning my house. It may not sound restful to you, but once it's done, I guarantee you I will look around, smile, and breathe a gigantic sigh of relief.

Here's to rest, to finding what fills you, and to my husband...who did the dishes and brought me a large glass of wine as I sat on the couch before he left. He's the best.

Decluttering

If the title didn't give it away, this isn't a very 'deep' post. I suppose I could be all 'I'm decluttering the mind' or something...but I'm not. I'm talking actual physical decluttering.

I have this weird thing with clutter. The more people we add to our family, the less things I want in our space. It's a good thing we don't plan on adding any more people, or Jim would probably come home to find the sofa missing or something. (kidding. on the last part. not the first.) I actually don't mind clutter in other houses or places - it honestly doesn't bother me; unless it's close to the hoarding level, then maybe. I read this quote from William Morris a couple of years ago, and I believe the thought that entered my mind was 'YES!', or something like that. The quote says "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." 

Gradually, over different seasons and life stages, we are slowly getting to that point. It also depends a bit on money, because I can't just go out and buy all of IKEA, even though I do believe that 75% of that store is beautiful, and 100% is useful. But we're realizing what things we actually use on a daily basis, what things were a good idea but completely impractical, and what things just make us smile, like a piece of artwork or a family heirloom. We've sold a few things, given a few things away, donated things. In the season of littles some things are in constant rotation...clothes, toys, shoes, baby gear. 

This year has kicked me into high gear, mainly because we added another person who likes to spit up quite a lot, and it smells like goat cheese, except not in a pleasant way (I'm downplaying this so you don't throw up in your own mouth). We're doing constant laundry, and now that he's on the move, there are lots of toys and random objects that get strewn around the house. I don't terribly mind these things, but if I have excess clutter, excess things to clean, excess things to put away...then that's all I'm doing. Or I live with the clutter and pretend it doesn't bother me until everyone knows just how much it really is bothering me. (sorry honey) 

Some examples? We have a galley kitchen and not a lot of cabinets, so have pared down our items to high-quality but actually USED things. For example, we have a Vitamix (older model), a Le Creuset Dutch Oven and a cast iron pan that get used almost daily. So other pots and pans are kept to a minimum; we don't have a blender or a food processor. I've been working on paring down my wardrobe because A) I have small children and B) see above about the laundry problem. I don't need a ton of things, so I've gotten into the capsule wardrobe trend, and let me tell you, it's life-changing. I'm going to write a whole post on it, because I'm a little obsessed.

Anyway, this was a long rambling post mainly because I didn't want to skip a day and I was decluttering my desk tonight. No deep thoughts, no profound statements. Except from William Morris. 

Here's to less things, more room, and you, for making it to the end of this post!

Grace

Hi. *sheepish grin* I know I haven't written since Thursday. And I'm OK with that. We've had a very full couple of days and I had to prioritize, and I'm not sorry to say, writing was at the bottom of the list. I love writing, and I'm really enjoying this challenge - how much it's stretching me and helping me to develop some new disciplines. But sometimes, I can't do all the things, and these past two days have remained me of that.

I'm not sure if anyone truly realizes how big of a deal it is that I just wrote that.

Actually, my immediate family would, and maybe former co-workers. I'm a Type-A, list making, productivity oriented, fill life to the brim and keep filling kind of person. In many ways, these are good tendencies, and I use them to help organize our home, our finances, our schedules. I've learned over the years, however, that as with most things in life, 'all or nothing' is very rarely the right approach. Type A vs Type B, Republican vs. Democrat, cat people vs. dog people...we treat them as if they're polar opposites at war with one another, and say things like 'I can't stand not having a schedule' or 'those liberal bleeding-hearts' or 'I'll run over your cat'. In reality, we need both ends of the spectrum, and really, the "right" answer usually lies somewhere in the middle. I may be Type A, but I have small children and have needed to learn flexibility. I am pro-life, but that applies to ALL life, and quite frankly, 'those liberals' tend to do a better job in some of those areas. I'm allergic to cats, but they make great memes. (see: Grumpy Cat)

In other words, it's about Grace. Giving it to others, and just as importantly, to ourselves. I've never been good at that last part, for lots of reasons that maybe one day I'll write a book about. But if motherhood has taught me one glaringly overarching thing, it's that I am FAR from perfect, can not do everything, and I can choose to wallow in despair over that or I can give myself some grace. And I can choose good things, but I can't choose all the things, because every time I say yes to one thing, I automatically say no to the others.

Multitasking isn't all it's cracked up to be (my former self would have fainted at that thought!) *Note: there are seasons where it's required; I'm not referring to that. Although often what we think is a have to may not really be...* We pride ourselves on our ability to juggle so many balls, to spin all the plates. We all know that eventually one of those balls will fall (or two or three or four), and some of the plates will shatter. Yet we press on like it's worth it...and for what? To put new plates and new balls in the air, and wait for the next drop, the next shattering? What if we just picked up one ball at a time? What if we carried that plate with two hands, and set it nicely back where it goes when we were done, always able to pull it back out again when we need it? What would we lose? Stress, hurry, worry? But what would we gain?? Breathing room. focus. energy. being present.

I'm typing this to myself, because I may have done a good job with grace the past two days, but had you looked at my week prior to that and I utterly failed in the grace area. Even now, as I'm typing this, my head is fighting me with thoughts of 'you need to put a load of laundry in' 'is everything done for lunch?' 'you should put on real pants.' That's the beauty of grace though; it meets you where you are and picks right back up where you left it.

Here's to growth. To new starts every day. To Grace.

Breaking Bread

I tried to think of a way to make that more of a play on 'Breaking Bad', but that's as close as it's going to get, so it'll have to do.

We had friends over for dinner tonight, something we love to do but don't do nearly enough of (see my post about 'Margins'). We go back and forth about this, for so many 'reasons'. Our house is very tiny (our laundry room is actually combined with our dining room, we have a galley kitchen, etc.); Jim has a lot of homework involved in getting his counseling degree, and our time together is already very limited; the boys have bedtimes; other people's kids have bedtimes; our house isn't clean, yada yada yada. And yet...we love spending time with friends, and long to have real, lasting, intimate relationships with people. How do we marry these things?

By doing it. What? Simple you say?! Shocking. But so true. We just have to do it. So we did. We have a group of friends that we've come to love dearly and spent a lot of time with this spring/summer, but vacations and fall and its new routines have left us all more scattered than before. We decided we missed that time, so on Tuesday I sent out a mass text, and had an open invitation to them to come for dinner tonight (Thursday). This summer we had a friend who did weekly soup nights and had a standing invitation, and it was probably my favorite idea ever. So, I planned a couple different soups to make (one catering to the boys' allergies, one not) and set a time, and that was that. Not everyone could come, but those that could, did. We had 6 adults and 6 kids in our little dining room; Jude only napped for 45 minutes all day so went to bed while they were here; kids were screaming at various intervals, food was passed, wine was poured, multiple conversations happened at once...and it was just beautiful. It made me so thankful that we just did it.

My day wasn't stellar up til that point; I actually texted our guests earlier and said 'Just a heads up. It's been a hell of a day, don't be surprised if I've already cracked open some wine when you get here!' (I hadn't, but I thought fair warning was due.) But those are the relationships I value. The ones where I can text random things and share when I feel crazy or I'm just irrationally frustrated and they get it. No drama, no fuss. When they came over tonight I'm pretty sure a toy was scraped across the floor with the opening of the door, there were crumbs scattered in random places, laundry piled on the dryer next to the dining room table. And it was all just perfect. Because we were breaking bread together, and sharing life - in all of its mad craziness at this phase of littles!

As a Christian, I celebrate the Eucharist, or Communion, as it's more commonly known. The breaking of bread and drinking of wine. We do this formally in church, yes, but the older I get the more I've realized that it is celebrated exactly as Christ said 'as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup'. When I'm celebrating life with others - especially when we connect through faith - it a truly special, sacred thing, not to be taken for granted.

So, may I encourage you - forget cleaning to perfection or cooking a gourmet meal. Forget planning schedules to coordinate weeks in advance. Think of some friends you love - or friends you'd like to know better - send a text, and break bread this weekend. Maybe it's chili and football on Sunday, or a picnic at the park, or last minute Mexican at a local dive. Whatever it is, I promise it will be good. And bonus: somehow, after you've had a great meal with friends, the cleanup isn't nearly as unpleasant as a typical evening's dinner. I was done 10 minutes after they left, wondering what to do with all my time!

Here's to impromtu parties, good friends, good wine, good food and sharing this beautiful, crazy life together. It's always, always worth it.

Simple

Tonight's post is short and sweet...in other words, simple.

When people talk about simplicity, I think it conjures up a different picture for everyone. It could be less responsibilities, less stress, more family time, more space, less space, delegating responsibilities, a strict routine or a go-with-the-flow type of mantra. Simple isn't so simple, is it?

For me, simple means getting back to the basics of life, and learning how to do them well. And by basics, I do mean basics. Things like laundry and dishes and ironing shirts. (OK, maybe not that...I don't think I'll ever do that well. Or do it at all! Eek.) Growing our own food, raising animals, purposefully raising and guiding our children. I want to know how to do these basics well, and truly enjoy them, because, whether we like it or not, they take up a LOT of our time. I don't know about you, but if there are things I have to do consistently, and they're not going anywhere, I would rather figure out how to enjoy the time spent doing them rather than rushing through and wishing my life away. Do I do this? Ha. Not hardly. Key verbiage here is that I'm learning. Albeit slowly, I have begun to see that having a wicker laundry basket full of neatly folded clothes is actually pretty, and soul-satisfying in a strange way. If those clothes were hung on the line, it's even more so (that doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like!) A clean kitchen makes for a sweet, slow start to the day, instead of a stressed or harried morning. Am I weird for all of this? Possibly, but I'm becoming OK with that.

That's part of simple for me. It may be different for you! I love the defintion of simple living given on The Art of Simple: "living holistically with your life's purpose". That's it! It may look different for everyone, but really, that is pretty simple after all.

So here's to simple living, pretty laundry piles, and British TV...because that's about to happen.