Time

Time. It’s such an interesting little thing, that time; such a fluid concept. People always say it goes by more quickly the older you get, and it really does seem like that is true. But we haven’t lost any hours in the day, so what happens? 

We grow up. When I was a kid, I didn’t have to worry about whether I remembered to send this month’s electric bill, or take care of a budget, or provide food for my family, and cook it, and clean up after it, and go to work, and. and. and.  you get the point. Sure, I had school, and chores, but the majority of my time was spent doing what I wanted to do – like play Barbie’s and roller skate, you know, the important things. Even in college, while I had the added responsibility of part-time jobs, and more intense classwork, most of my time was still me-focused. I could choose when and where and how I wanted to spend it, and I’m realizing, that makes time seem so much longer.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately because it hits me at random times. I see someone out running at 11:00 am on a weekday, and wonder “Why don’t I run then? That looks like a gorgeous time of day!” Then I realize, if I leave for a run at 11, my son will want to eat lunch within the next 20 minutes, and will then be ready for a nap shortly thereafter. And if I tried to say "Oh well, I want to run now, so that's what I'm going to do!" I would face the consequences. Consequences that equal the equivalent of Armageddon in baby-world. Oh. THAT’s why I don’t run then. All fo that to say...these random epiphanies have caused me to start thinking about my concept of time, and why it seems that time does indeed move much more swiftly than it used to. And this is my conclusion:

I no longer wake up generally planning out my day, fluidly moving through it as I choose, rather, I think in: breakfast time; play time; lunch time; nap time; snack time; dinner time; bed time.

While there is a lot that happens in between those times, as soon as one is done, I mentally calculate how long til the next one so we can plan accordingly. A morning out? That requires enough planning for at least 2 snack times, a possible early lunch, 2 possible diaper changes, a sippy cup, etc. etc. (my child is a bottomless pit, I tell you!) Evening plans out? That involves: can we do dinner early enough to be home in time for a usual bedtime? If not, how far are we willing to push back bedtime before a meltdown occurs? Do we have plans tomorrow? If so, late bedtime=possible crap night of sleep=possible looong day tomorrow. Is it worth it?

Marriage gives you a little glimmer into the world of 'my time is not my own', but nothing quite so much as parenthood. Your 'me' time is often very small, and can be a mental battle of doing the responsible thing like possibly cleaning that bathtub that you know hasn't been touched in months (we use soap to wash, it gets clean from that, right?), or just relaxing, reading a book, and having a little wine. Rarely are there totally 'carefree' moments anymore. And nothing hurries your time along like realizing you don't own it.

I was talking to a single friend the other day, who let me know of the crazy spontaneous New Years' Eve they were able to have, that involved a last-minute road trip and celebrating the New Year in another state with a bunch of friends. Time? It was all theirs. My New Year involved having 2 lovely couples over to our house (after bedtime), eating appetizers and mixing drinks, a baby that joined the party around 9 pm because, hey, it's rude to party without him, and us barely making it til midnight awake. The funny thing was, as we exchanged stories and laughed at how totally different they were, I realized something. I was completely, utterly content with the New Year we had, and wasn't jealous of theirs. At all. 

Maybe that means I'm old. Maybe it means I'm boring. Or maybe it just means that this new concept of time - this trying to slow down the ever-speeding train and just enjoy the every day - isn't such a bad thing after all.

The Art of Distraction

I'm sitting down to write a blog post on distraction, and so far I've checked two other blogs, Facebook, and am trying to find the right music on Pandora. Yep, pretty sure I've got this 'art' down to a science.

It's funny how we (or I, at least) like to call this 'multi-tasking'. I can do 10 things all at once, look at me go! But then I have this strange desire to live more simply - to slow down, enjoy each moment, be thankful for everything. It's hard to do that when 'everything' means not actually stopping to focus on any one thing for more than a few short seconds.

I'm not sure when life started to get like this; I definitely think the social-media age has a lot to do with it. We can tell the world what we're thinking, feeling, seeing, doing, at any hour of the day in an instant. And we can find out the same from others. Email provides us with a way to communicate quickly and efficiently from our computers, phones, tablets, etc. without having to actually talk to people, and - God forbid - engage in conversation. Don't get me wrong, these technological advances can be blessings, but goodness knows they are easily abused.

I like being able to be so connected. It's such a cool thing to be able to see what's happening in my friends' lives that live thousands of miles away, or to see that other people get how I'm feeling, via the validation of a 'liked' status - you don't feel alone.

But back to that craving of simplicity. I'm not the only one. It's everywhere. Look on Pinterest, (since we're all on there right now anyway): 'Stop the glorification of busy' and quotes by Mary Oliver: 'What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?' are re-pinned countless times a day, I'd wager. Ironically, I'm pretty sure Ms. Oliver wouldn't have answered her question with: "I'm going to pin things!"

This has been on my mind a lot lately because I find myself consistently gravitating towards distraction. Graham is having a clingy day and finally goes down for a nap? Yes, quietness, and I'm just going to sit here and look online for a bit...an hour...oh crap, he's up. Or, I've had a long, busy day at work, made dinner, played with, bathed and put Graham to bed, I just want to relax. And by relax I mean drink a glass of wine and watch Downton Abbey. These things aren't bad, when done in moderation (as with most things in life) but when they start to become habit, well, I feel like I'm wasting parts of my 'one wild and precious life'.

We do it with our kids too - let's just put on this TV show so I can get 'x' done, or, during the lovely curious stage our son is in - 'Where is your...fill in the blank?" Again, sometimes needed (I would like to get dressed, you know) but what am I teaching him if this becomes a normal thing? I'm teaching things like 'If you're upset, it's best to just divert your attention than take time to deal with what you're feeling and learn how to deal with it". Deep, maybe, but he's smart, I promise you. He'll catch on quickly, and when he's 15 years old and not 15 months old, the habits I'm displaying and modeling now are going to show up on full display.

So how do I, how do we, as a culture, deal with this? I could just go offline, sure, and force myself to 'live simply' in that way, but that's like saying 'I'll avoid alcohol because I might drink too much'. It's putting rules up where, really, discipline is what's needed, not abstaining. And that's it, I think. Discipline. Training my mind, my habits, my actions to be intentional, purposeful, 'weighing down the moment' as Ann Voskamp so beautifully has said. Learning that, while some things are better left in the past (like acid-washed jeans...see this post), some things weren't so bad. Things like having to be at home if you wanted to use the phone to make plans, or physically see people to learn what happened in their day/week/month. Things like community.

And some things - like blogs, or forums, or groups, can be a way to purposefully act that out; I know I've met some wonderful people I wouldn't have met were it not for the online community! But, on the flip side of those wonderful things, if we were meant to know what a ton of people we kind of know, or used to know, or do actually hang out with, are doing, and thinking, and planning, etc. at any second of our day, I feel as though God would have created an avenue for that at the beginning. But He didn't. He created everything - He created US - with purpose. To have families, to take care of the world we live in, to work hard, to enjoy creation, to take care of our homes, to grow food, to live in community - real community. And I know when I take time to do those things - even if they seem tiresome, or take effort, or require actual focus - I feel more like a person, like the part of me that God created to be alive and to know Him and to reflect Him that was lost in the garden is back, and flourishing, and I'm energized!

I made a list tonight of things that I honestly love doing - things like like fire pits and gardening and antiquing and family Saturdays and dancing (and OK, wine made the list, it did.) Every single thing on that list was purposeful, focused, and involved personal interaction or purposeful solitude. What didn't make the list? Things like TV, spending time online, pinning. It helped to put into perspective that while those things are enjoyable to a certain degree, they don't even compare to what truly brings out the life God has intended for me to live. A life full, vibrant, tiring-yes, but in the best way possible. So what am I going to do with this one wild and precious life?? I'm kind of excited to find out!