Capsule Wardrobe: Part 1

This post won't have any pictures...I'm saving those for the next part! Not because they're awesome, but because I still have to take most of them. You're welcome.

So, what is a capsule wardrobe? If you go the queen of all capsule wardrobe sites, Unfancy, she describes it as this: " a mini wardrobe of versatile pieces that I absolutely love." That's pretty simple, but I think that's the point. I would personally describe it as 'a versatile wardrobe of a limited number of pieces that mix and match well, are high quality, fit well, and that I feel good wearing.' My description is a bit longer, but hey, I'm new to this capsule thing and I'll have to minimize my description one day along with my closet I guess. But for now, let's break down the description, to better understand what it is and why I like doing it.

Versatile: While I have a few designated pieces, like a party dress or really nice heels, most everything can be dressed up or dressed down. I have silk shirts that look fancy with a skirt and heels, but are also great for a date night with jeans and flats. The more versatile, the less you need to function in different arenas of life. 

Limited Number: I've heard different numbers thrown around...37, 43, 50. Really, I don't have a specific number of items, as I'm still learning, but I'm trying to keep it between 40 and 50, roughly. Less, ideally. When I say "items" what does that mean? I include literally everything other than underwear, pajamas, workout wear, and the grubby clothes you keep for things like painting or yard work. I have 2 small dresser drawers that these items can fit into. Everyday wear, dressy casual, workwear, and yes, even shoes (gasp!) all fit into the capsule category. So, under 50 of everything combined, not just of shoes, or just workwear. 

Mix and Match Well: I used to buy things that I really liked, but would only go with maybe a certain pair of pants and I had an outfit...but just an outfit. Now, I try to buy things that will go well with lots of other things that I own. This means, for me, a lot of neutral basics, with some punches of color here and there. I really like more fun shoes...I have pink J. Crew New Balance tennis shoes, polka dotted TOMS, cream suede heels, peach colored patent flats. My main color palette for clothing includes black, gray, navy, white and in the fall/winter...flannel.

High Quality: This can be a hard one at first. I already leaned toward this anyway, but it was a bit of a jump for my husband when I came home this summer with a sleeveless chambray shirt that I paid $40 for (at TJ Maxx...it was actually a $100 shirt). We'd both been in the 'buy it as cheaply as possible while still looking nice' camp, and I still am, but only if it's good quality. So if I find a high-end brand at a thrift store, score! Which I totally have...both pairs of dress pants I have are brand new J Crew pants and I paid $3.75/each for them. However, if there's something I am specifically looking for, and know I will wear well, I will pay more for it. That's the beauty of the capsule; spend $40 on one shirt I wear all the time, vs. $10 on 4 shirts that I kind of wear, sometimes. And that shirt was worn all summer long, and into the fall and even now as we approach colder weather, thanks to things like cardigans. 

Fit Well: This was the hardest for me. I was pregnant last year and in the immediate postpartum body for the beginning of this year, so when I started actually wearing my clothes again, I noticed differences. It wasn't only that not all the baby weight wasn't gone (and honestly, that's OK!! If it comes off quickly in a natural way, great. But I'm not killing myself the first year to lose it...things like sleep and mental health are far higher priority in my book), but also, things...shift. Certain parts expand or shrink, may be wider or just carrying differently than before. So some clothes just fit differently. I'm learning more and more to ignore sizes and styles and see what actually fits and looks good on my body, not someone else's. (thank you, Stacy and Clinton!)

Feel Good Wearing: Also figuring this one out. I still have some pieces that I feel good in, yet when I look in the mirror, I'm not so sure. So I'm holding on to them to try in different ways/different outfits to see if they will actually stay or not. But this one is SO important, because when you feel confident, you act more confident. Especially staying home with the boys, for me, this is a good way to make myself not feel like that stereotypical stay-at-home mom that one pictures, living in her robe, hair in a bun, slippers on. (while that totally describes me at this moment, we'll ignore that fact, K? K.)

There you have it. My definition of a capsule wardrobe. I plan to post more about the why behind it, how to afford changing your wardrobe/buying new pieces, show some pictures of my personal wardrobe and what I've learned so far, plus little tips and links to some of my favorite places to shop. 

Now go Marie Kondo on your closet and get back with me! 

Spiral Notebooks and Threenagers

I always have ideas floating around in my head for blog posts, and many times they're very weighty subject matters, because I'm a very analytical person, and I think about everything. But sometimes, we just need good, practical or funny posts. This is one of those.

Trying to just 'do the basics' well can be difficult when you have one wild, rambunctious three year old and an extremely mobile and curious 9 month old. Trying to do them at all is more than one can accomplish many some days. I by no means have all the answers to this, but I am trying to find ways to keep us all sane while accomplishing these goals. I also am trying to avoid being corrected, like when my son looks at me and says 'Mommy, you should not have spoken in anger. Do you need to count to 4?' There's nothing quite like being convicted by a preschooler.

The biggest thing that helps us? A written routine for the day - for GRAHAM. I have my own, because I love a good list, but what do you know?? So does he! (Be still my heart.) I got the idea from a podcast called The Simple Show; I believe it was episode 8. We tried it for a while about a month ago and loved it, then when things started getting busy we stopped, but oh my goodness, we started it back up again today, and it's like magic!! OK, not that awesome, but close.

I literally take a spiral notebook and write out Graham's day, starting with eating breakfast, then his morning chores, anywhere we're going for the day, etc. It helps me because I see what my expectations are of him and if they're too high or low, and it helps him because he feels so big and accomplished when he can check something off. All day today he was asking "what's next in my notebook?" or "NO!!! Jude got my checklist!!" (that was hysterical, not gonna lie. That would totally be my reaction if someone started trying to tear up, or eat in this case, my list.) It also helps him to know that certain things are in fact coming, like watching a TV show. I could remind him that yes, it was on the list, but not yet, we have these things first. And he's all 'OK!' After the defiance and disrespect of this last week, it was SO much better. We still had some of it for sure (rest time, anyone?! We're back to 'I can't do anything by myself including stay in my room alone' phase. Insert hands-over-eyes emoji here.) but overall, way better.

The list also helps me see am I blocking out time with him one on one?? I know this isn't possible every day, but most days, I can do 20 or 30 minutes during one of Jude's naps. And to my extrovert of a child, that is so important! It sometimes makes a small part of the introverted part of me die a slow death when I'm all 'But it's NAP TIME! Peace! Quiet! Maybe some Gilmore Girls!' time. But it's good for us both.

Another big one? Chores. Responsibility. Sometimes I think maybe I'm expecting too much, but often I find I'm not expecting enough. Sometimes it takes a LOT of encouragement, but he's capable of so much, and enjoys being able to do things for himself! These are his typical daily chores:

• get dressed
• help with the chickens
• make bed (with assistance-he does his animals and pillows usually)
• empty the dishwasher (except sharp knives and things on high shelves)
• put any of his clean clothes away that I have folded
• unpack his backpack after preschool/hang up backpack
• set the dinner table
• pick up toys (always, always this is the one that he fights. "But I made too big of a mess!" Exactly, son. Exactly.)

Other things he is learning/can do:

• Pour his own water
• fold cloth napkins
• put laundry in the washer/dryer and help with the detergent
• pick up sticks in the yard
• dust the baseboards
• vacuum (he actually is really good at it and enjoys it!)
• clean the toilet
• take the trash can from the curb
• get his lunch ready (he totally did this today and I was so impressed!!)

Wow. Sometimes I forget how much little ones are capable of, and how much they just want to be a part of things! I guilt myself into thinking they should play more or I should play more...but those shoulds can suck it; kids will find time to play, and they make work into play...I think I can learn a little from them.

I told my husband I was coming to bed in 10 minutes 25 minutes ago...so I should go. I'm curious about any other ways you get the 'basics' accomplished with littles? How do you involve them?

Here's to threenagers, wine, and maybe a little extra wine. Because you can't have one without the other.

Back to Basics

People. I had a whole post written and published about why we were going back to the basics around here, and then boom. It disappeared. The internet service was interrupted and it reverted me back to my draft which was only a few sentences. I would like to not rewrite the entire thing, so sorry, but you'll have to trust me that it was a good one. :)

This past week hasn't been great in the posting department, and I apologize. We've had a hormonal mommy (as my midwife said: "your body likes being pregnant and giving birth. It does not like after that." It's great fun, I assure you.), an extremely defiant almost-four-year-old (he's currently sitting on my chair after coming out of quiet time for the 15th time and having various and sundry consequences and discipline administered. I'm choosing to ignore him while I decided what in the heck to do now), and a baby who we have found is allergic to eggs (boo!!) and was coming off a really bad reaction to those, which involved a lot of vomit, spit up, eczema and little sleep for most of the week. (on the plus side...once it was mostly out of his system, he slept.ALL.NIGHT. I can't even. All the I can't evens.) Just trying to stay sane and stay on top of the laundry was about all we could do, and I'm not even sure we did those very well.

But it's a new week, and we're buckling down here. Back to some basics. Some solid routine and structure and built in margins for all of us. We have a very full but fun weekend planned this coming weekend, so I want to be very intentional with how we prepare for that time!

What do the basics look like to you? I think I'll do a part two of this and share some of how we do routine and structure around here, just little things that make a big difference - in a good way when we do them, and in a not-so-good way when we don't!

Keeping Up Appearances

Today after picking Graham up from preschool, we came home and the boys and I ate lunch outside on our porch. As we ate, I noticed numerous cars driving by slowly and looking at our backyard and at us and kind of smiling as they drove. At first I was a little concerned...what was I missing? Was there a joke I wasn't in on or something? Then I realized...Oh! This actually looks like an idealic situation, and they're smiling at that. Here's what they probably saw:

Chickens pecking in their pen, sweet potatoes that were dug up this weekend curing in the sun, two sweet, well-behaved boys eating their lunch, one in his high chair covered with food, the other sitting across from his mom, talking up a storm. The sun was shining, the leaves were blowing, it was the perfect fall day. Even as I type that, I smile too, because it really was kind of ideal for a few moments. 

I also smile because I know that those moments have been few this week, very few. Our week has been anything but 'ideal'; for every reason and no reason at all...it's been a hard week. And sometimes I think when we have those weeks we fail to see those little ideal moments, the ones that make everyone else smile. I also think it's easy to notice other people's ideal moments, and wonder where ours are, forgetting that in reality, their week may look very similar to ours, but we've just caught them in a good spot. 

I needed that reminder today; maybe you do too? Some weeks are hard. Some days aren't our best. But there are little 'ideal' moments here and there if we look for them. And then maybe we can drive by our own little picture and smile.

Mom Style

So I'm still going to do a capsule wardrobe post, but first, I need to do laundry. The situation is a bit dire. I figure I should actually have clothes to show you if I'm going to do a post about them. Moving on...

As a pre-cursor to that post, I started thinking about styles, trends, etc. I'm very much a classic-meets-modern kind of person. Neutrals are my best friend, and if I go crazy with color, it's probably like a deep plum or an olive green. I'm SO exciting. I actually own one salmon/orange-ish shirt, which is completely out of character for me; I bought it as a back-up to my Chicago bears t-shirt to wear on game days. Fans gotta represent.

I don't do a lot of crazy trendy things, but I did start to think about current trends and realized something: I'm pretty sure a mom of littles (like under 5) came up with most of these trends and managed to make them 'cool'. To that mom, I say thank you. I can appear 'trendy' without much effort. I give you the following examples...

1) Top Knot. This is a mom's best friend. I frequently think this thought: 'How many days can I feasibly go without washing my hair?' The top knot is the answer. Also in the hair category....

Do you think that hair is washed? Ha!

2) Bangs. I can easily wash and dry only my bangs, and the rest of my hair can go into a top knot, and boom. Instant trendy style. Look at me, so fashionable. So unshowered. And for the days you do attempt something...

This in honor of a NEW SEASON OF GILMORE GIRLS?! I can't even.

3) The 'beachy waves' look. I'm convinced this started as a mom who was trying to do her hair, but was interrupted multiple times and finally just gave up. It was half-curled, but someone complimented her, and that was the start.

Easy, as in: Start curling hair. Be interrupted 1200 times. Just give up. 

4) High-waisted jeans. Mommy tummy. Enough said.

OK, we know this lady doesn't have a belly...or does she?? Thanks to the jeans, we'll never know.

5) The 'loose flowy shirt over skinny jeans' trend. Again, the mommy tummy. Play up the best assets, people.

Oh you know, just being my usual rockstar self. I have all the trends. Or in other words, I have kids.

6) The 'no-makeup makeup'. I love this one. Because you know it started with a mom forgetting to take off yesterday's makeup and going out with whatever was leftover, but someone stopped and said oh! So natural! So light! We need to invent a 30 minute process to make this happen! And she just laughed.

I still can't get over the tutorials for this.

7) The big sunglasses/bright lipstick look. This is the classic 'I haven't slept, I didn't have time to get ready, but I'm still totally put together' mom look.

Also, that chic hair? You know it's not washed, and that wet look is probably grease.

8) The cross body bag/backpack trend. We need our hands to be free, and can't have something falling off our shoulders. These both solve this problem.

When I found this picture I also found myself thinking, "I need this bag."

9) Leggings. It's like yoga pants stepped up a notch. What's not to love?

She looks stylish. She feels like she's in pajamas. Except this shoes, which brings me to...

10) Dress flats. Because when I try to walk in heels while carrying a baby, it almost never turns out well.

No lie, I think I own three of the exact styles pictured here.

What other trends do you think were inspired by moms? I'm betting all of them. Here's to working with what you've got, making it cool, and owning it. 

I'm Back!

Popping in to say I'm still here! It's been a very full few days and this project has made me really notice how I prioritize things; it's actually helped me to say 'OK, I can't write today, because I need to do this instead.' That's actually really freeing. I still plan to try to write everyday for the rest of the month, but if I don't, never fear, dear readers, I will be back.

To be fair, (to myself, haha) I have written posts in my head. I haven't actually typed them out, but they're in there. So technically I have written every day, right? Good.

That's it for today's post. It was the most exhilarating thing you've ever read and you'll never be the same, I know.

Here's to priorities, discipline, and the most profound blog post ever written.

Rest

It's Wednesday friends. Hump Day. I think that's supposed to mean the week starts to get better, but, I kid you not, Wednesdays are just rough. I actually read somewhere a few years ago that a woman looks her worst on Wednesday afternoon at 3:35 pm. I believe it. I always have high hopes for Wednesday, but rarely are they achieved. I think I need to reevaluate my Hump Day outlook.

Remember my post on Margins a few days ago? I apparently thought it wise to totally ignore myself, and said 'Yes' to a LOT this week. Couple that with what seems to be a growth spurt and/or food reaction and/or general threenager and a baby who thinks afternoon naps are the most ridiculous thing ever, and I feel like I've worked a 50 hour week in 3 days. (I've done that before. Not recommended.) When I have weeks like this, my tendency is to do two things: 1) take lots of 'breaks' by hiding myself in either aimlessly scrolling through social media or reading random blogs that I 'need' to catch up on, and 2) push myself to do all the things that aren't getting done. These are usually the 'basics', like laundry and dishes, and I feel like those things should be done regardless of what is going on. (Those shoulds, I tell you...) When, in reality, what I need is REST.

We live in a society that does not value rest. At least, not until you've 'earned' it. "Work hard, play hard" we say. So we work til we're in a frenzy and burnt out, then we play til we're exhausted and need a break from all the going and doing...and then the cycle starts over. What about actually resting? Not vegging in front of the TV (which I totally did last night and it was kind of awesome), but really finding something that rests not just our bodies, but our brains and our souls as well? I'm horrible at this; both of my parents (I love you!) struggle with it and I inherited that tendency. Mom is FAR more laid back than dad is, but I recall many a time yelling up the stairs 'Stop doing dishes and just sit down!' I can apparently tell other people how to rest, I just don't do it myself. Friday night is a perfect example. Jim took a break from homework and we watched a movie. But I had to get up to make a snack, then to pee, then to...I don't even know. I can't just sit. I feel like I'm being lazy and unproductive.

And being a mom...oh, don't even get me started. We put SUCH pressure on ourselves! "I'm the mom, I have to do it." "Pull up those bootstraps and get it done." Some days, this may be true, but a lifestyle of it? No. I've finally decided that it's not worth it. We're human. We were made to live in community, not driving 20 minutes just to see another person to share our life with. In other cultures, in past centuries even here, woman lived and worked and did the day to day together, like, physically, not online. (hard to fathom, I know) I have had quite a few days this year where we decided as a family that we'd make do and have Jim take a day off so I could rest. I've driven to a friend's house at 7 am, given her my children and slept in her spare bedroom until 2 pm. I've finally given in to letting my mother in law do dishes and laundry while she's here and not feel guilty about it, but just say 'thank you!'

It may be at a snail's pace, but I'm learning that rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity.

We can't give of ourselves if we're depleted. We can't energize others or care for kids or be engaged with our families or work if we're not engaged with ourselves. (that came out weird. but I'm keeping it.) And boy am I ever preaching to myself here. Being a mom isn't being a martyr. Being an employee isn't either, or a whatever. They are roles, parts of us, but they are not us. Regardless of our stage of life, we were created with a unique and amazing design and specific characteristics to reflect God's glory. It may come out in our various roles, but those roles do not define us, God does. And to be at our best, at our highest potential, sometimes, we just have to let it go and rest.

Today, that looked like forgetting some of the to-dos and taking a walk after preschool with the boys. Let me tell you, that instinct SAVED me today. I adore nature and the weather in October is amazing. We had a rough afternoon after that, but it gave me just enough energy to push through. Usually on Wednesdays, I go to yoga downtown. Jim takes the boys to church and goes to a marriage class. Yes, you read that correctly. My husband is at church learning how to work on our marriage, and I'm at yoga. And it's perfect for us right now. Our marriage is better because both of these things provide us rest and reprieve individually, which brings us closer together as a couple. Since the baby ended up going to bed at 6, I volunteered to stay home and do yoga a different day this week. Because today, rest for me looks like writing this post and cleaning my house. It may not sound restful to you, but once it's done, I guarantee you I will look around, smile, and breathe a gigantic sigh of relief.

Here's to rest, to finding what fills you, and to my husband...who did the dishes and brought me a large glass of wine as I sat on the couch before he left. He's the best.

Decluttering

If the title didn't give it away, this isn't a very 'deep' post. I suppose I could be all 'I'm decluttering the mind' or something...but I'm not. I'm talking actual physical decluttering.

I have this weird thing with clutter. The more people we add to our family, the less things I want in our space. It's a good thing we don't plan on adding any more people, or Jim would probably come home to find the sofa missing or something. (kidding. on the last part. not the first.) I actually don't mind clutter in other houses or places - it honestly doesn't bother me; unless it's close to the hoarding level, then maybe. I read this quote from William Morris a couple of years ago, and I believe the thought that entered my mind was 'YES!', or something like that. The quote says "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful, or believe to be beautiful." 

Gradually, over different seasons and life stages, we are slowly getting to that point. It also depends a bit on money, because I can't just go out and buy all of IKEA, even though I do believe that 75% of that store is beautiful, and 100% is useful. But we're realizing what things we actually use on a daily basis, what things were a good idea but completely impractical, and what things just make us smile, like a piece of artwork or a family heirloom. We've sold a few things, given a few things away, donated things. In the season of littles some things are in constant rotation...clothes, toys, shoes, baby gear. 

This year has kicked me into high gear, mainly because we added another person who likes to spit up quite a lot, and it smells like goat cheese, except not in a pleasant way (I'm downplaying this so you don't throw up in your own mouth). We're doing constant laundry, and now that he's on the move, there are lots of toys and random objects that get strewn around the house. I don't terribly mind these things, but if I have excess clutter, excess things to clean, excess things to put away...then that's all I'm doing. Or I live with the clutter and pretend it doesn't bother me until everyone knows just how much it really is bothering me. (sorry honey) 

Some examples? We have a galley kitchen and not a lot of cabinets, so have pared down our items to high-quality but actually USED things. For example, we have a Vitamix (older model), a Le Creuset Dutch Oven and a cast iron pan that get used almost daily. So other pots and pans are kept to a minimum; we don't have a blender or a food processor. I've been working on paring down my wardrobe because A) I have small children and B) see above about the laundry problem. I don't need a ton of things, so I've gotten into the capsule wardrobe trend, and let me tell you, it's life-changing. I'm going to write a whole post on it, because I'm a little obsessed.

Anyway, this was a long rambling post mainly because I didn't want to skip a day and I was decluttering my desk tonight. No deep thoughts, no profound statements. Except from William Morris. 

Here's to less things, more room, and you, for making it to the end of this post!

Grace

Hi. *sheepish grin* I know I haven't written since Thursday. And I'm OK with that. We've had a very full couple of days and I had to prioritize, and I'm not sorry to say, writing was at the bottom of the list. I love writing, and I'm really enjoying this challenge - how much it's stretching me and helping me to develop some new disciplines. But sometimes, I can't do all the things, and these past two days have remained me of that.

I'm not sure if anyone truly realizes how big of a deal it is that I just wrote that.

Actually, my immediate family would, and maybe former co-workers. I'm a Type-A, list making, productivity oriented, fill life to the brim and keep filling kind of person. In many ways, these are good tendencies, and I use them to help organize our home, our finances, our schedules. I've learned over the years, however, that as with most things in life, 'all or nothing' is very rarely the right approach. Type A vs Type B, Republican vs. Democrat, cat people vs. dog people...we treat them as if they're polar opposites at war with one another, and say things like 'I can't stand not having a schedule' or 'those liberal bleeding-hearts' or 'I'll run over your cat'. In reality, we need both ends of the spectrum, and really, the "right" answer usually lies somewhere in the middle. I may be Type A, but I have small children and have needed to learn flexibility. I am pro-life, but that applies to ALL life, and quite frankly, 'those liberals' tend to do a better job in some of those areas. I'm allergic to cats, but they make great memes. (see: Grumpy Cat)

In other words, it's about Grace. Giving it to others, and just as importantly, to ourselves. I've never been good at that last part, for lots of reasons that maybe one day I'll write a book about. But if motherhood has taught me one glaringly overarching thing, it's that I am FAR from perfect, can not do everything, and I can choose to wallow in despair over that or I can give myself some grace. And I can choose good things, but I can't choose all the things, because every time I say yes to one thing, I automatically say no to the others.

Multitasking isn't all it's cracked up to be (my former self would have fainted at that thought!) *Note: there are seasons where it's required; I'm not referring to that. Although often what we think is a have to may not really be...* We pride ourselves on our ability to juggle so many balls, to spin all the plates. We all know that eventually one of those balls will fall (or two or three or four), and some of the plates will shatter. Yet we press on like it's worth it...and for what? To put new plates and new balls in the air, and wait for the next drop, the next shattering? What if we just picked up one ball at a time? What if we carried that plate with two hands, and set it nicely back where it goes when we were done, always able to pull it back out again when we need it? What would we lose? Stress, hurry, worry? But what would we gain?? Breathing room. focus. energy. being present.

I'm typing this to myself, because I may have done a good job with grace the past two days, but had you looked at my week prior to that and I utterly failed in the grace area. Even now, as I'm typing this, my head is fighting me with thoughts of 'you need to put a load of laundry in' 'is everything done for lunch?' 'you should put on real pants.' That's the beauty of grace though; it meets you where you are and picks right back up where you left it.

Here's to growth. To new starts every day. To Grace.

Breaking Bread

I tried to think of a way to make that more of a play on 'Breaking Bad', but that's as close as it's going to get, so it'll have to do.

We had friends over for dinner tonight, something we love to do but don't do nearly enough of (see my post about 'Margins'). We go back and forth about this, for so many 'reasons'. Our house is very tiny (our laundry room is actually combined with our dining room, we have a galley kitchen, etc.); Jim has a lot of homework involved in getting his counseling degree, and our time together is already very limited; the boys have bedtimes; other people's kids have bedtimes; our house isn't clean, yada yada yada. And yet...we love spending time with friends, and long to have real, lasting, intimate relationships with people. How do we marry these things?

By doing it. What? Simple you say?! Shocking. But so true. We just have to do it. So we did. We have a group of friends that we've come to love dearly and spent a lot of time with this spring/summer, but vacations and fall and its new routines have left us all more scattered than before. We decided we missed that time, so on Tuesday I sent out a mass text, and had an open invitation to them to come for dinner tonight (Thursday). This summer we had a friend who did weekly soup nights and had a standing invitation, and it was probably my favorite idea ever. So, I planned a couple different soups to make (one catering to the boys' allergies, one not) and set a time, and that was that. Not everyone could come, but those that could, did. We had 6 adults and 6 kids in our little dining room; Jude only napped for 45 minutes all day so went to bed while they were here; kids were screaming at various intervals, food was passed, wine was poured, multiple conversations happened at once...and it was just beautiful. It made me so thankful that we just did it.

My day wasn't stellar up til that point; I actually texted our guests earlier and said 'Just a heads up. It's been a hell of a day, don't be surprised if I've already cracked open some wine when you get here!' (I hadn't, but I thought fair warning was due.) But those are the relationships I value. The ones where I can text random things and share when I feel crazy or I'm just irrationally frustrated and they get it. No drama, no fuss. When they came over tonight I'm pretty sure a toy was scraped across the floor with the opening of the door, there were crumbs scattered in random places, laundry piled on the dryer next to the dining room table. And it was all just perfect. Because we were breaking bread together, and sharing life - in all of its mad craziness at this phase of littles!

As a Christian, I celebrate the Eucharist, or Communion, as it's more commonly known. The breaking of bread and drinking of wine. We do this formally in church, yes, but the older I get the more I've realized that it is celebrated exactly as Christ said 'as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup'. When I'm celebrating life with others - especially when we connect through faith - it a truly special, sacred thing, not to be taken for granted.

So, may I encourage you - forget cleaning to perfection or cooking a gourmet meal. Forget planning schedules to coordinate weeks in advance. Think of some friends you love - or friends you'd like to know better - send a text, and break bread this weekend. Maybe it's chili and football on Sunday, or a picnic at the park, or last minute Mexican at a local dive. Whatever it is, I promise it will be good. And bonus: somehow, after you've had a great meal with friends, the cleanup isn't nearly as unpleasant as a typical evening's dinner. I was done 10 minutes after they left, wondering what to do with all my time!

Here's to impromtu parties, good friends, good wine, good food and sharing this beautiful, crazy life together. It's always, always worth it.

Simple

Tonight's post is short and sweet...in other words, simple.

When people talk about simplicity, I think it conjures up a different picture for everyone. It could be less responsibilities, less stress, more family time, more space, less space, delegating responsibilities, a strict routine or a go-with-the-flow type of mantra. Simple isn't so simple, is it?

For me, simple means getting back to the basics of life, and learning how to do them well. And by basics, I do mean basics. Things like laundry and dishes and ironing shirts. (OK, maybe not that...I don't think I'll ever do that well. Or do it at all! Eek.) Growing our own food, raising animals, purposefully raising and guiding our children. I want to know how to do these basics well, and truly enjoy them, because, whether we like it or not, they take up a LOT of our time. I don't know about you, but if there are things I have to do consistently, and they're not going anywhere, I would rather figure out how to enjoy the time spent doing them rather than rushing through and wishing my life away. Do I do this? Ha. Not hardly. Key verbiage here is that I'm learning. Albeit slowly, I have begun to see that having a wicker laundry basket full of neatly folded clothes is actually pretty, and soul-satisfying in a strange way. If those clothes were hung on the line, it's even more so (that doesn't happen nearly as often as I'd like!) A clean kitchen makes for a sweet, slow start to the day, instead of a stressed or harried morning. Am I weird for all of this? Possibly, but I'm becoming OK with that.

That's part of simple for me. It may be different for you! I love the defintion of simple living given on The Art of Simple: "living holistically with your life's purpose". That's it! It may look different for everyone, but really, that is pretty simple after all.

So here's to simple living, pretty laundry piles, and British TV...because that's about to happen.

Margins

Sorry, friends. I dropped the Write31Days ball yesterday. I was going to write at 11 pm, but decided maybe sleep would be a better choice. I am happy to report that it was.

But, I'm back! Semi-awake, but here nonetheless. For some reason, this week has already been a bit crazy, and we're not even through Tuesday. Last week was a slower, smoother week, and this week seems to barreling forward with no sign of slowing down. But it does lead me to today's topic...margins. You know those little white spaces that annoyed the crap out of you in college: 'Your paper must have .5' margins on the sides. But 1" margins on the top. After the header. Above the footer. And you need an extra .5' on the left side.' Something like that.

But really, that's exactly what margins are - blank space. Cue Taylor Swift lyrics..."Cause I've got a blank space baby, and I'll write your name." (I totally did that by the way. In high school. HIS name. Or my name with HIS last name. All up in those margins.) Margins are that empty space just begging to be written in, begging to be filled with the fun things, the pretty things, not the boring notes you're taking. Or, at least, that's what I used to think.

I'm learning that I actually like paper with some white space. It looks clean and organized. I can look at a neatly formed list and breathe a little sigh...it doesn't have crazy doodles and weird shapes or bubble letters all over it. Even though those things are fun to draw and enjoyable in the moment, they end up leaving the page feeling frantic and crazy, and very, very difficult to read. You do see where I'm going with this, right?

When we try to fill every 'blank space', every margin - even with good, fun things - it ends up getting a bit crazy. Sure, at first it's fun; we're trying out new ideas and seeing people we love and visiting all the places and going to all the things. And there are seasons for that. But fill those margins too often, for too long, and your life resembles my 11th grade science notebook...not a lot of content, but a lot of 'extra' that doesn't really have any place, and is hard to make sense of when you step back and look at it. Speaking from experience, we've had many of those seasons. They were a little easier to have when we didn't have kids (ha!) but we've had them since. It's part of this desire to live a more 'simple life'. To slow down, to breathe, to enjoy the actual content of our lives, without having to always add to it, or fill it full to the brim.

Margins allow us to say 'Hey! Come over for dinner!' or 'Sure, you can play with Graham'. They allow me to enjoy a fall afternoon reading outside knowing there is time and space to get some of the 'to-do's' done later. They also allow me to say NO. No, I can't do that, because we are doing this and this, and that's enough. No, I can't do that fun thing today, because I do have 'to-dos' and need to do them today to do the other fun thing I was looking forward to tomorrow.

Margins are also hard. We live in an amazing area where there is ALWAYS something to do. Always. This weekend is a perfect example: Food Truck Thursdays and the LU Market, shows downtown and art galleries to see, the farmer's market, Bedford Centerfest, apple orchards, Appomattox Railroad festival, brunch with friends, a rodeo...and that's just within 3 days and a 30 mile radius! There's a part of me that wants to do all the things. Inevitably, someone will do one of the things and post it online and I think 'Ooo! We should have done that.' But those shoulds are sneaky. If you find yourself saying it often, it's a good time to ask yourself 'says who??' When we operate on shoulds (as I have learned, because I am the recovering queen of them) we fail to actually live within the margins of our own lives. And we miss out on the beauty of the life we've personally been given to live.

There will be busy weeks, busy months, busy seasons. That's life. But we are in control of how much we allow to fill our margins, and I'm learning the less full that they are, the more full that I am.

Here's to the freedom to say no, blank space, and Tay Swift, because who doesn't love her, really? (even if in secret...you know it's true.)

Simple Health

Well, our nights have kept going downhill...last night I was up googling 'whooping cough', 'croup', 'when to take your baby to the ER'...it was a little scary! I "slept" in Jude's room all night (quotations are very purposeful), and we did a few applications of garlic salve, a lot of singing and shushing, and a few sauna sessions in a steamy bathroom (that would be a sexy thought if a baby wasn't involved. Although...if a baby wasn't involved, it may result in a baby being involved...).

He still had a crummy cough this morning, so we went ahead and went to urgent care. Which, can we note, is never very urgent. I haven't quite figured that out. You could tell the doctor was thrilled to be there (ha.) and thought I was probably just bringing in a baby with a cold. Once he did a check up, he quickly changed his attitude, and with a negative strep test, all signs point to spasmodic croup. It's basically croup brought on by allergies, so it comes and goes. This is consistent with what we've been talking with his pediatrician about...we just don't know what allergens are affecting him (other than corn dust when we were in Iowa).

This is pretty common for us with both boys - go to the doctor just to be sure nothing more is going on, get that confirmed, and then back home to treat on our own. Their type of allergies (you can check out this page for more info) are actually pretty rare, and the majority of doctors we talk to either have never heard of them, or are vaguely familiar. Diagnosing Graham took 2 years! We carry a letter specifically for medical professionals so we can explain what it is and why we have to be careful with treatment. They are allergic to most medications and vaccinations (due to ingredients) so it can be a delicate dance.

All of that got me thinking...while our boys' health is complicated, our treatments are actually quite simple. Having to deal with a lot of it on our own has led us to find some great at-home treatments, and you don't have to spend a lot of money for them either! Things like essential oils and tinctures and salves can be overwhelming at first; I thought I would share a few of our tried-and-true remedies here!

Please note two things: 1) make sure to get high quality essential oils, especially if applying to skin, and always dilute if applying to skin. 2) I'm not a medical professional, so please just take these as a 'what worked for us' post. 

If you want to start a basic 'kit', these are really the things we use most.

• lavender oil
• eucalyptus oil
• peppermint oil
• Theives oil
• clove oil
• coconut oil
• apple cider vinegar
• garlic
• onions
• a diffuser

Some combination of these can usually help to treat most of our 'common' ailments. Here are a few we use often:

For general coughs/colds:

• -eucalyptus oil diluted with coconut oil. Rub on the chest and soles of the feet (like Vicks, but better!)
• -especially if viral, rub diluted Theives on the spine. Most viruses live on the spine, and this helps to dissipate it and strengthen the immune system. I am always amazed at how well this works!
• use Thieves in coconut oil as a 'lotion' for the hands - it's antiviral so will protect better than hand sanitizer!
• -for kids old enough to drink water out of a cup: add 1 tsp of apple cider vinegar + honey to their water to break up a cough
• -get garlic in them in any way possible! We make a garlic salve (that smells, um...pungent.) to rub on the chest, back and feet for coughs (been using this today a lot!). Fresh garlic on buttered toast, sautéed kale with garlic, soup with garlic...basically get.it.in.them. It's a natural antibiotic and the more the better!
• diluted peppermint oil rubbed on the temples to help with headaches
• lavender and eucalyptus oils diffused

Earaches/teething:

• -diluted lavender oil rubbed behind the ears
• -heat coconut oil with fresh crushed garlic, strain and let cool so it won't burn, then drop into the ear
• -put onions in their socks (weird, I know!) or in compresses on their ears
• -diluted (VERY diluted, as clove oil is strong) clove oil directly on the gums for teething pain
• I'm currently making a teething tincture with safflower oil, chamomile flowers, willow bark, clove and peppermint oil

Upset stomachs/gas:

• -diluted peppermint oil rubbed on the soles of the feet and on the stomach directly 
• -not on the 'list' but Kids Calm is a magnesium supplement that has been a Godsend for us. You put 1/4 tsp in hot water and let it fizz, then add to their bottle. Magnesium helps the intestines do what they are supposed to do...it's the only thing that has consistently worked for Jude!
• -warm (not hot) chamomile tea

This is far from a comprehensive list, and I'm constantly learning more. This book I picked up at an Amish house near my parents has been really helpful for us - the author is a midwife and has 9 children of her own, 8 of which had food intolerances...so it's right up my ally. I can't vouch for everything in the book, but the general remedies have been extremely helpful. 

Jude fell asleep quite easily tonight, so I'm hoping for a more peaceful rest. We have a humidifier going with lavender oil, he has garlic salve all over him, there's a cut onion sitting in his room, and I gave him the one kind of pain reliever he isn't allergic to - Advil brand baby, white grape flavor. Here's to learning new things, REST, and the makers of Advil, because I love them.

Do you have any other tried and true home remedies? I'd love to hear them!!

Groundhog Day

Remember yesterday's post, where I woke up crabby, the baby wouldn't sleep, etc.? Hi, welcome back.

I think a lot of parenthood can feel like the movie Groundhog Day...the same day plays over, and over, and over again, until you're pretty sure you're going crazy. It usually lasts for short seasons, but when you're in them, whew!

We've had a rotating series of them since the beginning of August; Jude's allergies (see this post for some explanation) aren't just to some foods, but also outdoor allergens. The change in seasons has had him go through spurts of croup-like sickness, where he coughs so much he ends up spewing up the contents of his stomach. It's delightful, especially at 2 am. Once it's done he's all 'Hey! Let's play!' however, I don't feel quite the same. Couple that with the rain we've had lately and the hubby also being sick and holed up in the bedroom...yeah. Honestly, I almost didn't write today because I figure no one cares to read about this. Honestly, I don't blame you, I'd be finding some funny Jimmy Fallon sketch to watch instead...which I'll probably do anyway.

But, I'm committing to doing this, so here we are. After the 2 am incident and another waking, I finally declared today a 'newborn day'. It's how I remind myself that some days are just, simply, living. There may not be a lot accomplished, we may not get dressed, or if we do it's just to run to Target at 4:30 pm (I'm already planning that trip for after nap time!), but that's OK. We're fed, we're alive, and there is plentiful grace for us all. And muffins. And movies.

So here's to lazy days, baking all the things (it's probably good I'm wearing stretchy pants) and letting your kids watch those really weird Saturday morning cartoons. Congratulations, we made it.

Rainy Days and Rituals

I'm finally getting to write a post at 9pm...but I'm doing it! I promise no consistency in actual times posted each day, just that it will be done.

As promised, today was full of rain. Not quite hurricane-force, but cold and rainy and windy for sure. Even though I was prepared for it, for some reason I just woke up crabby. It probably has something to do with not going to bed til 1 am...maybe. Last night we were able to go to the quarterly wine club party at Blenheim Vineyards, where we're members. (oh SO fancy, right? ha. It was a gift, and it's the most chill winery I've ever been to. I love it!) Its claim to fame is that Dave Matthews owns it, although he's rarely there. Fun fact: he was there, on Father's Day, and I totally used my baby as a way to meet him. Cute babies for the win! Here's proof:

We decided that this will now be a date night ritual; every 3 months, we go to this shindig and get to feel fancy and drink good wine. Anyway, the winery is about an hour away, and after all the fun of the party we went to Whole Foods to get groceries, so we didn't get home til after 11. Which is exactly when the baby decided to wake up, and not really settle til after 12:30. AM. I don't know the last time I stayed up that late, which is both comical and awesome at the same time. I'm totally OK with quiet evenings at home these days. Mainly because they're quiet.

My crabby self was having a hard time getting out of its funk this morning...between the 3 year old's nonstop talking and the baby refusing to nap, things were escalating quickly to where the whole day could have just gone to the crapper. Instead, I did a lot of inward self-talk (this is not a normal day. You are tired. You're all tired. Their attitudes don't have to shape yours. Etc. Etc.) and jumped in the car to meet some friends at our local children's museum. And on the way, I realized that it's kind of becoming a Friday 'thing' to go there, and I like it. The rest of our week is pretty busy with preschool, Bible study and other commitments, so Friday has become our rest day, our 'fun' day.

I'm big on routine, but am realizing that sometimes those routines have to be extremely flexible with small children. So we have 'days' each week.

Sundays are church and family days, and Sunday nights I plan our week.
Mondays I usually finish up what I didn't get planned Sunday night, (usually due to important things like Downton Abbey), and I try to attend The Motherhood Collective.
Tuesdays are writing mornings for me, school for Graham. It's also 'goat milk day!' (is that weird that it's a thing? It is.) where we go pick up Jude's goat milk and get any chicken supplies, etc. that we need.
Wednesdays are school for Graham, and cleaning day at home. We do the whole house in a day, but we have the WHOLE day to do it, so it's less stressful to me. I also have yoga Wednesday evenings.
Thursdays are Bible Study morning and usually a Target or other 'fun' errand in the afternoon. (library, etc.)
Fridays are, apparently, 'fun'. I love when routines and rituals just organically happen, like going to the children's museum!
Saturdays are usually family outings - sometimes just running errands or going to the market, other times we'll do day trips in our area.

Today, when we came home Jude proceeded to sleep for 3 hours(!!!) so Graham and I watched Frozen (I actually napped next to him and pretended to know what was going on when he'd lean into my face and say 'Mommy, did you see that? That was so funny.') then ended up making a bunch of food. We made bone broth for soup and cooked and mashed butternut squash from our garden to use in place of pumpkin (which I forgot at the store). We then made pumpkin scones (with EGGS. this is big. Food trial for Graham, he used to be highly allergic...so far, so good!) and made dinner for this evening as well. We ended up with leftovers, the beginnings of soup for tomorrow, scones and enough pureed squash for muffins...it got me thinking, maybe Friday afternoons/evenings will be reserved for 'Food Prep' after all our fun! (why Friday is the only alliterated day, I don't know, but for fear of being far more cheesy than this already is, we'll leave it there.)

Rituals are how I keep things 'simple' for us. I'm a planner by nature, and constantly am fighting the tension of that tendency while living in our reality. All of this rambling to say, today turned out OK after all. We giggled and played, there were time outs and tantrums (by all, ha!) but overall, a good one. Here's to rainy days, rituals, and turning the day around! And here's a cute picture of my boys wrestling in the kitchen, because they're boys, and that's what they do.

It's Fall Y'All!

Do you know how many times I've wanted to say that, but don't, for fear of sounding incredibly Northern? Actually, I'll probably just stick with writing it out, because then you can imagine I have an appropriately cute Southern accent, when, in reality, I talk like the people on TV.

If you've read this blog at all, you know my posting is anything but consistent. This month, however, shall change all that! (at least for a month...small goals, people, small goals.) I'm linking with the Write31Days project and posting EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. in October. I know. I'll give you a minute.

...OK. Now that you're settled and anxiously awaiting what I'm going to say for an entire month! (sarcasm)...what AM I going to say for an entire month? Picking a single topic gave me some serious anxiety and writer's block, which is a little bit unhelpful if I have to have content every day. So I chose a broad topic: Simply Living. It's a bit of a play on words...I'll talk about actual simple living; simple whole foods, decluttering like a mad woman, how I've switched to a capsule wardrobe and LOVE it (my dad will never believe me there, ever. I was the one who bought all the things!). I'll also talk about simply living; raising babies and food and chickens, finding unexpected joy and rest in small rhythms and routines, NOT doing all the things. (are we sensing a pattern here?)

So today, in honor of simply living, I'm celebrating fall. It's the first day of October, and after a week of rain we had sun and 80 degree weather yesterday. Tonight is supposed to bring crazy amounts of rain thanks to hurricane Joaquin, (have you seen this meme?? Amazing.)

...but today is just perfectly FALL. Drizzly and overcast, cool enough for a sweater but warm enough for no coat, boots weather because it's wet, and I ate a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup that we had preserved from last year's garden for lunch. I'm also writing and ignoring the fact that my baby is trying to wake up from his nap FAR too early...but I  suppose I should go see about that.

Here's to Fall, to October, to Write31days! Cheers!

(those pumpkins are from our garden!! Eek! Best thing I've grown yet.)

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers" - Anne of Green Gables