This is the fourth time I am sitting down to try and start this – which is indicative of my life the past day and a half. It all started Saturday evening… I had gone with my dad to do some work on our family’s cabin when I got a message from Alisha that she was feeling sick. Having come down with one of my semi-annual sinus infections myself, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I offered to come home, and was hoping to finish up the project we were working on before heading back. Well… the project took till midnight and I didn’t get home till 1:30am Sunday morning. Jude (our 29-week old) got up an hour after I got in bed, then we all got up for the day by 7, which means I got about 4 hours of sleep.
Just to give you a picture of the state of our union, both Alisha and I had been out of town this past week; I was at a work conference in DC, and Alisha and the boys headed to the beach with my mom and nieces. Having packed for separate week long trips, our living room was an explosion of bags, suitcases, food, toys, dirty clothes, and the loot from my Ikea trip. Although I have tried to clean up said living room on multiple attempts, somehow it is still a disaster… how is this possible?
In addition, I have been wearing the same clothes since I left the cabin, and my hair is matted (and fairly greasy). I wore a baseball hat when I had to go outside yesterday, but then at one point forgot it and said, “oh well, it is what it is”.
I have done 125 loads of laundry and 75 sinks full of dishes that seem to magically re-appear whenever I leave the room. This never ending task produces a surprising level of anxiety, and I find myself having a conversation with myself (which may or may not be out loud) how to use the spare five minutes I am not holding our 29-week old, or playing with our 192-week old, Graham. Although he is showing an impressive level of independence today, it is so hard to juggle the time (or lack thereof) I have throughout the past day – has it really only been that long?
When Jude went down for his afternoon nap, I turned on a movie for Graham and crawled into Graham’s twin bed (where I also slept last night – Graham was on the floor) and fell asleep until I heard Jude through the monitor an hour or so later (disclaimer, Alisha is also home, just upstairs in the cave of sickness). Then I had to figure out dinner… a task which seemed impossible. This was also the point at which I realized that all the dishes I did get done, did not include Jude’s bottles which resulted in me spiraling into…
Sorry, now back from a 3 hour interruption. I am now in the 33rd hour of my new commission. My 7-month old is now asleep again and my 44-month old is watching some weird cartoon on his Leap Pad for quiet time. My living room is worse than it was when I described it above… is this real life?
I am sitting here trying to figure out what to do now. Do I sweep through again and try to clean this war-zone, do the dishes, do a load of laundry, study for my upcoming Comp Exam, watch something on Netflix, check my work e-mail, or sit in silence? Prioritization gets seriously skewed when you only have an hour or two…
Here’s to all the mom’s out there who do this every day, especially to my wife. How she maintains her sanity, while caring for the children and our home is beyond my comprehension. It’s hard to get outside my day to day life sometimes and experience what it is like to be pulled in different directions all day, second guessing whether you made the best use of your time, got the right things done, said “yes” to your 3 ½ year old a few more times than you said “no”, have revolving tasks that you can never cross of your to-do list, and also manage any level of hygiene or self-care. My 33 hours as a stay at home dad have given me a bit of a new perspective… I get to leave each morning and head to a job (that I love) where I get to cross things off my to do list, close my door if I need to focus, eat lunch when I want, organize my day the way I want, and get recognition and positive feedback for a job well-done. To be honest, going to work is the easier of our two jobs by far. I find myself so thankful today for my wife, and I hope she gets better soon (genuinely, although in a round-about way it seems self-serving).
