This motherhood stuff is not for wimps.
I say that like I didn't know. I've been a mom for almost 2 years, and have already had some doozies thrown at us. But seriously. Almost-2-year olds all day long are exhausting. My house is less clean than it was when I was working. I want to go to bed at 8 pm every night. I had a beer for lunch this week. How's that for expectations being thrown out the window?
Thankfully, I have a very loving and understanding husband. While I was lamenting the other night over how much I did not have my act together, he let me know that he doesn't care. He doesn't care if the house is a mess or everything isn't done. He knows this season is short, and wants me to enjoy it. So if I play all day with our son and use nap time to just read or craft or whatever, that's what he wants. I have a keeper, just saying.
Speaking of crafts, let's talk about those for a minute. I am NOT a crafty person. I like decorating. I like making gifts look pretty that are semi-homemade. But let's face it: crafts are not my forte'. However, this week I found myself texting pictures to my husband of random crafts I was making. I'm pretty sure he thought there was another woman in his home. 3 weeks ago, my days were spent managing an office and talking policy. Now I'm chasing a toddler and making crafts. Not any less important - just using a side of my brain that did not get used much before. Talk about a transition! It's a good one, but definitely harder than I expected. In some ways, it's like going back to that whole 'I just had a baby' feeling. I'm having to figure out our days again, what kind of schedule, what is best for Graham, how much we go, how much we stay home.
Today, my gracious husband has the boy all day. I have happy Autumn music playing, it's gray and rainy out, a yummy smelling candle is burning and I think I'm going to read a book. My house is still a mess, but hey, I'm here a lot now, so I think it can wait for a while. We'll get into the swing of things eventually, but in the meantime, I'm going to enjoy today!
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Ode to the Working Mom
I've been a SAHM (stay at home mom, for all you hip, cool, non-parents out there) for exactly 2 weekdays now. My last day at work was Thursday, but I usually had Fridays off, and they had a (fabulous and yummy and sad and wonderful) going away party for me on Saturday, so I really didn't consider it 'official' til Monday came around.
It hasn't fully sunk in yet, and I think the 'newness' will stick around for a bit. This week is a busy week, so it may be a little bit before we hit some really mundane days (or maybe not), but I can definitely tell a difference, even in just this little bit of time. And thus, I'd like to say a few words to moms who work outside the home, (or maybe inside the home but are paid from a source outside the home).
I'll preface by saying that the 'Mommy Wars' are just ridiculous, and this isn't something to pitch one 'side' against another. To each their own when it comes to mommyhood, and I can honestly say I wasn't ready to stay at home until now. Work played a huge part in keeping me sane, making me feel like my whole life wasn't crazy, and in helping me hold on to 'me' in the midst of a complete identity crisis (which will come in small or large form when a child enters your world).
That being said, here is my ode to the working mom:
- you balance a schedule like nobody's business. Somehow, you manage to make food, keep your house (relatively) clean, play with your kids, run all the errands you need to, and make time for family, after being gone literally all.day.
- in so doing, if you're anything like me, you constantly feel like you're not doing one (or two, or five) of those things well; like you're only doing everything about 70% max. And that's not the best of feelings, because who wants to half-ass anything? Especially anything relating to the most important people in your life, or a career you are invested in.
- You constantly are making choices between 'have to' and 'want to'. Everyone is, true. But I think the wide expanse between the two is heightened. Example: today, I planned to deep clean my kitchen. But, Graham's transitioning and needed some more mom time, and I wanted to just enjoy this amazingly beautiful fall-like day. So what we did instead included the Riverwalk, a few errands, Chik-Fil-A, reading a book under a tree (me, during nap time) and playing at the park. My kitchen was a disaster when the day started, and was just that much worse by the time dinner was over. I spent a while cleaning it so as not to attract bugs, (it was really bad, let's be honest) but it was OK. When I was working, had I done that, it would have put me so far behind for the rest of the week I would constantly be playing catch up and would have stayed stressed and tense. But now? I have more freedom to choose, and let me tell you, I understand and deeply value that freedom.
- the problem is, if you don't choose the 'fun' over the 'required' then you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your kid. Now, I don't feel quite so much of the tug between spending all of my free time with Graham, or being OK letting him play on his own. It's still there, it's just not as large of a battle in my mind.
- you have to be 'on' all the time. You have to get everyone up and out the door (looking presentable, at the very least; professional in many instances), go to work, do your job (which could involve possibly just as much whining as you may have gotten at home), get the kid(s), walk in the door, start dinner, do the evening routine, then worry about house stuff and silly things like bills, etc. Finally, you may get to read a book or watch TV, and fall asleep while doing so. Not working outside the home, I am still completely exhausted by the end of the day, but the bonus is, if it's just one of those days and I choose to stay in my pajamas and not talk to anyone (other than my child, I should probably talk to him), then most days, I can. I probably shouldn't, but the point is, it's an option.
I'm only 2 days in, so I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be writing a post entitled something like "What Was I Thinking" and document all the perks of working outside the home, and how much I miss those. But for now, working mama, I salute you. You are doing what you need to for your family, or for your sanity, or just because you love it. And your kids seeing that will instill in them a whole world of values that don't need to be spoken.
It hasn't fully sunk in yet, and I think the 'newness' will stick around for a bit. This week is a busy week, so it may be a little bit before we hit some really mundane days (or maybe not), but I can definitely tell a difference, even in just this little bit of time. And thus, I'd like to say a few words to moms who work outside the home, (or maybe inside the home but are paid from a source outside the home).
I'll preface by saying that the 'Mommy Wars' are just ridiculous, and this isn't something to pitch one 'side' against another. To each their own when it comes to mommyhood, and I can honestly say I wasn't ready to stay at home until now. Work played a huge part in keeping me sane, making me feel like my whole life wasn't crazy, and in helping me hold on to 'me' in the midst of a complete identity crisis (which will come in small or large form when a child enters your world).
That being said, here is my ode to the working mom:
- you balance a schedule like nobody's business. Somehow, you manage to make food, keep your house (relatively) clean, play with your kids, run all the errands you need to, and make time for family, after being gone literally all.day.
- in so doing, if you're anything like me, you constantly feel like you're not doing one (or two, or five) of those things well; like you're only doing everything about 70% max. And that's not the best of feelings, because who wants to half-ass anything? Especially anything relating to the most important people in your life, or a career you are invested in.
- You constantly are making choices between 'have to' and 'want to'. Everyone is, true. But I think the wide expanse between the two is heightened. Example: today, I planned to deep clean my kitchen. But, Graham's transitioning and needed some more mom time, and I wanted to just enjoy this amazingly beautiful fall-like day. So what we did instead included the Riverwalk, a few errands, Chik-Fil-A, reading a book under a tree (me, during nap time) and playing at the park. My kitchen was a disaster when the day started, and was just that much worse by the time dinner was over. I spent a while cleaning it so as not to attract bugs, (it was really bad, let's be honest) but it was OK. When I was working, had I done that, it would have put me so far behind for the rest of the week I would constantly be playing catch up and would have stayed stressed and tense. But now? I have more freedom to choose, and let me tell you, I understand and deeply value that freedom.
- the problem is, if you don't choose the 'fun' over the 'required' then you feel guilty about not spending enough time with your kid. Now, I don't feel quite so much of the tug between spending all of my free time with Graham, or being OK letting him play on his own. It's still there, it's just not as large of a battle in my mind.
- you have to be 'on' all the time. You have to get everyone up and out the door (looking presentable, at the very least; professional in many instances), go to work, do your job (which could involve possibly just as much whining as you may have gotten at home), get the kid(s), walk in the door, start dinner, do the evening routine, then worry about house stuff and silly things like bills, etc. Finally, you may get to read a book or watch TV, and fall asleep while doing so. Not working outside the home, I am still completely exhausted by the end of the day, but the bonus is, if it's just one of those days and I choose to stay in my pajamas and not talk to anyone (other than my child, I should probably talk to him), then most days, I can. I probably shouldn't, but the point is, it's an option.
I'm only 2 days in, so I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be writing a post entitled something like "What Was I Thinking" and document all the perks of working outside the home, and how much I miss those. But for now, working mama, I salute you. You are doing what you need to for your family, or for your sanity, or just because you love it. And your kids seeing that will instill in them a whole world of values that don't need to be spoken.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
What I've Learned
One week. I have one week left at my job. One week from today I will be a stay-at-home mom for the first time since Graham was 3 months old.
I know, I know. I seem to be making a huge deal of this. But really? It's a big life change. We've had a routine down for a year and a half, and in a week, that all changes. But more than that, I have been so very blessed. Blessed because I've been able to do something I truly love and believe in since just after college graduation. In the last seven years, I've realized that it's a rare thing to find people who are truly passionate about their jobs and love what they do. I was able to be one of those people, which is why it's so hard to leave. Sure, I'll get to stay home with my son, and I know that there are going to be so many new joys (and not-so-joyous occasions) that come along with that. But I think it's good to acknowledge endings, own your feelings, and 'grieve' in a way, when things end.
So, that's what I'm doing tonight. And I'm doing it by recounting some of the lessons I've learned along the way. I started as a job coach for our Deaf and hard of hearing clients, and ended directing our supported employment programs and serving on a state committee. Seven years is a long time, and I've learned a lot. Some things came easily, some came the hard way (almost everything with management). Here they are, in no particular order:
I know, I know. I seem to be making a huge deal of this. But really? It's a big life change. We've had a routine down for a year and a half, and in a week, that all changes. But more than that, I have been so very blessed. Blessed because I've been able to do something I truly love and believe in since just after college graduation. In the last seven years, I've realized that it's a rare thing to find people who are truly passionate about their jobs and love what they do. I was able to be one of those people, which is why it's so hard to leave. Sure, I'll get to stay home with my son, and I know that there are going to be so many new joys (and not-so-joyous occasions) that come along with that. But I think it's good to acknowledge endings, own your feelings, and 'grieve' in a way, when things end.
So, that's what I'm doing tonight. And I'm doing it by recounting some of the lessons I've learned along the way. I started as a job coach for our Deaf and hard of hearing clients, and ended directing our supported employment programs and serving on a state committee. Seven years is a long time, and I've learned a lot. Some things came easily, some came the hard way (almost everything with management). Here they are, in no particular order:
- patience, patience, patience!
- learning styles are so much more than just auditory, visual, and kinesthetic, and if you can pinpoint a learning style, you have the potential to have a great employee
- managing people is hard, and messy
- being a boss and also being perceived as 'nice' don't always go hand in hand, even when you want them to
- being a boss while being gracious and just should always go hand in hand, and will gain one more respect than 'niceness' ever could
- government programs and political affiliations aren't always so black and white - especially when you see the good and the bad directly affecting people
- there is still a lot of stigma about people with disabilities, even in the community that exists to serve this population
- sheltered workshops (as a whole), in their current model, are not in the best interests of the people 'working' there
- work may look like many different things, but the value placed on it should be the same
- every small act you do may have a huge impact on others' lives
- I really like policy making and being part of decisions on a larger scale
- I enjoy learning, and enjoy teaching those who want to learn
- you work best when you love what you do, and believe in it
- character matters. If you can do a job with your eyes closed but have no character, I'd prefer you work elsewhere
- people matter. Every person. Age, race, ethnicity, ability, sexual orientation. Maybe we disagree, maybe you make me uncomfortable. But you.matter. and I can learn a lot from you
- there is value in work; in accomplishing something and in contributing
- to paraphrase Proverbs: never made a decision without an abundance of wise counsel
- actually, reading Proverbs daily is the best way to manage people
- be pleasant even when it's hard - it's contagious
- people are people. Big-time CEOs, the person cleaning the toilets. Be kind and be a professional with everyone, and don't be afraid to talk to people. You may make some surprising friends
- always stand up for what is right. Do it respectfully, but don't give in
- be willing to admit when you are wrong, and learn from your mistakes - that's when growth happens
- know your limits. and be willing to ask for help
- helping someone may mean saying 'no' or 'I can't do that'
- never assume what someone is or isn't capable of - they may surprise you!
- humble confidence can get you through doors you never thought would open
- having a good team can make or break a business
- this world is imperfect, but God allows common graces every day for us to see glimpses of His beauty. Oftentimes, it's in the faces of those society deems as 'less than' or not 'normal'. Be aware of this, and look for His handiwork in everyone - better yet, pray for the grace to be an example of this grace to everyone.
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