Tomorrow is the first day of Autumn. (I actually thought it was yesterday and baked pies and bought a new candle to celebrate. Slightly embarrassing, but hey, we all need some extra fall in our lives.)
Sort of on accident, this has become my theme for the year - 'Seasons'. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 'For everything there is a season') The first year of babyhood is hard for me. There are parts I adore; the firsts, the giggles, the times when they just fall asleep in your arms and cuddle. I don't want those moments to pass. But there are also times I really, really dislike...figuring out food allergies (this is "normal" for us); when they fight sleep and you're basically wrestling a 'ninja octopus' as my husband refers to it; when they're fussy and want to be held and you just.want.SPACE. (like all the time?) Really, what I'm saying is that I'm human. I'm innately selfish and that first year challenges that to its core. And sometimes I fight that challenge, because darn it, let me just stay comfortable!!
Of course, I don't truly want to just stay comfortable; it's just a heck of a lot easier. Then again, I feel the same way about summer. I get all excited for leisurely days and water play and sunshine, but when it comes I'm soon tired of being sweaty, tired of the lack of routine and longing for 'bouquets of sharpened pencils' (if you get that reference we can be friends).
And yet.
And yet, when August rushes in with its schedules and calendars, I get just a little wistful...one more day so we can have a fire pit...one more weekend of lingering and staying up late...one more pool day...one more, one more.
I'm learning, be it ever so slowly, to love the season I am in, for what it IS. The fun parts and the hard parts. Because just as the air now has a nip in it and the leaves are turning colors, each life season too will pass. And I will be wistful at times, wishing for one more, one more.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Anne of Green Gables
I cried this week.
OK, that's not really news. I still have crazy post-baby hormones so I cry every week, probably more than once. But this week it took me by surprise. Both boys were asleep at the same time (hallelujah!) and I decided to pop in Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel (also known as Anne of Avonlea) while I folded some laundry. The second the menu screen came up and the notes of the familiar music swelled, I literally burst into tears. Like, pouring from my eyes ugly crying. What the crap.
Maybe I should pause here to explain that I grew up on these movies. I LOVED them, and still do. I own the 5-dish extended pack DVD special edition set. Gilbert Blythe could do no wrong in my eyes. I wanted to BE Anne - spunky, independent, nerdy and proud yet still graceful and beautiful. If it was a rainy day, or I was home sick, you could almost guarantee that Anne was on our TV. My middle name is Ann and I remember going through a period where I would practice writing it with an 'e' on the end, because, duh.
So back to me sobbing my little heart out in my living room. At first I assumed it was a wave of some hardcore nostalgia; and it was, to some extent. But as I sat there, I realized I needed that cry, and that I needed to kind of sit in those feelings for a bit. So I did. (praise the Lord the mailman didn't walk up then. Awkward.) It really was a culmination of so many things; things I hadn't really been letting myself focus on.
A) It's the end of summer. That time when it starts to get a little less humid yet is still crazy hot and you want to squeeze every ounce of these lazy days for all they're worth before the fall business sets in. Every year at this time I get incredibly homesick for Iowa. It's weird. I think it's because the State Fair is in August and we usually go visit then anyway...it just makes me long for summer there, for some land and some space and simplicity at its finest...because there really isn't a whole lot around. So when that first picture popped up and there were hay fields, well...forget it.
B) Anne and Diana. Their bond has always baffled and eluded me. I have some close girlfriends for sure, but nothing like that. I've always gotten along better with guys, but motherhood has changed that for me. That being said, making girl friends is still hard, and some days I think I feel that more than others. I AM a lot like Anne (I guess I got my wish??), and like her, sometimes I don't quite 'fit' in with what I guess would be the norm. Although there's really NOT a norm...some days it can just feel like whatever it is, you're definitely not it. Ironically, those days usually align with babies not sleeping well and too many days without good solid conversation...so then it all seems so much worse!
C) Simplicity. Seriously, have you watched these movies? The scenery is just...AHHHH. It's like a visual sigh. I just want to sit in the fields with the cows. You don't even think about the fact that when Anne is holding a dying Matthew, she probably sat in a cowpie. Or that walking through the woods to town would leave you covered in mosquito bites and extremely sweaty. Because it's just so pretty, you get lost in it. And it leaves this longing for that. For more peace, more quiet, more simplicity. (Until you have too much of that, and then you have the problem of point B.) We have an amazing neighborhood that if/when we ever move, I will be truly sad to leave behind. But the part of me that grew up in small towns (so that would be all of me til the age of 19 or so) honestly misses it. Being able to walk out your door and have a view that isn't the city bus driving by. Or having to actually plan to go to Target, instead saying 'I'm bored, the kids are restless, we'll head to Target!' I feel crazy even saying that, because...it's Target, hello.
I think really we've just been in a harder season and sometimes, that just catches up to you. Jim's getting ready for his internship and has 2 more classes til graduation in May. We're parenting a three year old (threenager, anyone?!) We have a baby who has had a lot of health issues for his little life and is currently going through a bit of a sleep regression (read: we all are). I've had some health issues since birth that we're still working on (like the time I had 4 periods in a month. Yes. 4.)
There are a lot of 'reasons' I suppose. But really, I think I just needed a good cry. Sometimes we all do. So if you're feeling like life is piling up, things are hectic or overwhelming a bit, or you just need a break, might I suggest a little Anne? It's cheaper than therapy, won't cause weight gain like chocolate might and is healthier than alcohol (although can easily be enjoyed with a good glass of wine). It just may be the cure for whatever ails you. Thanks, Anne.
OK, that's not really news. I still have crazy post-baby hormones so I cry every week, probably more than once. But this week it took me by surprise. Both boys were asleep at the same time (hallelujah!) and I decided to pop in Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel (also known as Anne of Avonlea) while I folded some laundry. The second the menu screen came up and the notes of the familiar music swelled, I literally burst into tears. Like, pouring from my eyes ugly crying. What the crap.
Maybe I should pause here to explain that I grew up on these movies. I LOVED them, and still do. I own the 5-dish extended pack DVD special edition set. Gilbert Blythe could do no wrong in my eyes. I wanted to BE Anne - spunky, independent, nerdy and proud yet still graceful and beautiful. If it was a rainy day, or I was home sick, you could almost guarantee that Anne was on our TV. My middle name is Ann and I remember going through a period where I would practice writing it with an 'e' on the end, because, duh.
So back to me sobbing my little heart out in my living room. At first I assumed it was a wave of some hardcore nostalgia; and it was, to some extent. But as I sat there, I realized I needed that cry, and that I needed to kind of sit in those feelings for a bit. So I did. (praise the Lord the mailman didn't walk up then. Awkward.) It really was a culmination of so many things; things I hadn't really been letting myself focus on.
A) It's the end of summer. That time when it starts to get a little less humid yet is still crazy hot and you want to squeeze every ounce of these lazy days for all they're worth before the fall business sets in. Every year at this time I get incredibly homesick for Iowa. It's weird. I think it's because the State Fair is in August and we usually go visit then anyway...it just makes me long for summer there, for some land and some space and simplicity at its finest...because there really isn't a whole lot around. So when that first picture popped up and there were hay fields, well...forget it.
B) Anne and Diana. Their bond has always baffled and eluded me. I have some close girlfriends for sure, but nothing like that. I've always gotten along better with guys, but motherhood has changed that for me. That being said, making girl friends is still hard, and some days I think I feel that more than others. I AM a lot like Anne (I guess I got my wish??), and like her, sometimes I don't quite 'fit' in with what I guess would be the norm. Although there's really NOT a norm...some days it can just feel like whatever it is, you're definitely not it. Ironically, those days usually align with babies not sleeping well and too many days without good solid conversation...so then it all seems so much worse!
C) Simplicity. Seriously, have you watched these movies? The scenery is just...AHHHH. It's like a visual sigh. I just want to sit in the fields with the cows. You don't even think about the fact that when Anne is holding a dying Matthew, she probably sat in a cowpie. Or that walking through the woods to town would leave you covered in mosquito bites and extremely sweaty. Because it's just so pretty, you get lost in it. And it leaves this longing for that. For more peace, more quiet, more simplicity. (Until you have too much of that, and then you have the problem of point B.) We have an amazing neighborhood that if/when we ever move, I will be truly sad to leave behind. But the part of me that grew up in small towns (so that would be all of me til the age of 19 or so) honestly misses it. Being able to walk out your door and have a view that isn't the city bus driving by. Or having to actually plan to go to Target, instead saying 'I'm bored, the kids are restless, we'll head to Target!' I feel crazy even saying that, because...it's Target, hello.
I think really we've just been in a harder season and sometimes, that just catches up to you. Jim's getting ready for his internship and has 2 more classes til graduation in May. We're parenting a three year old (threenager, anyone?!) We have a baby who has had a lot of health issues for his little life and is currently going through a bit of a sleep regression (read: we all are). I've had some health issues since birth that we're still working on (like the time I had 4 periods in a month. Yes. 4.)
There are a lot of 'reasons' I suppose. But really, I think I just needed a good cry. Sometimes we all do. So if you're feeling like life is piling up, things are hectic or overwhelming a bit, or you just need a break, might I suggest a little Anne? It's cheaper than therapy, won't cause weight gain like chocolate might and is healthier than alcohol (although can easily be enjoyed with a good glass of wine). It just may be the cure for whatever ails you. Thanks, Anne.
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