Meet Paul

When I was 5, there was a man at my church named Paul. There was something about Paul that I immediately noticed was different. The way he talked to people, how he helped the older ladies up and down the stairs, greeted all of the kids with a smile and a handshake or a high five, (and some of the ladies with a kiss on the hand). He was just...joyful - in the literal sense of the word: full of joy. And in my wise 5 year old brain (which I think can sometimes be much more wise than adults) I knew that Paul was the type of person I wanted to be around.

Paul also happened to have Down Syndrome. He couldn't talk very easily, had a significant stutter, and wasn't able to live on his own. I saw him struggle to say his name, and get frustrated when people were too impatient to stand and listen to him try to talk. Time and again people would finish his sentences for him, guessing at what he had to say, but never really listening.

It was then that I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to help people like Paul. Not because he needed my pity, or to feel some sense of validation, or because he 'needed help.' No, in reality, I guess I wanted to help everyone else through helping people like Paul. I wanted to help everyone else see what I could see at the time: a man who, in spite of whatever was his destined lot in life, for better or for worse, chose joy. I wanted to help people see just how valuable Paul truly was, and how much he could teach others. I wanted to show people just how backward they had it, and just how right Paul had it.

And that's why I do what I do, and why I am going to miss it so very much. I know I'll come back to it eventually, in some way shape or form, as that is definitely the call God has placed on my life. But for now, I'll miss it. I'll miss the day in and day out, the annoying things and the frustrations, the little victories and the milestones. But I can't wait to teach Graham all I've learned through those I've worked with over the years - they have truly been my teachers, and I couldn't be more grateful.

This is Paul. He passed away 3 years ago, at the age of 69.

A Letter to my Husband

It's late. I just finished cleaning the kitchen, there are piles of laundry dotting our room that haven't seemed to find their home in a week, and you're sitting in the other room trying to finish up some work. This has been a pretty common scene in our house these days - both of us running here and there, stopping briefly to say 'Oh, hey you. Nice to see you!' We've had a lot of change happening in our lives this summer, and some days I'm surprised we're all still standing!

Tomorrow we celebrate 7 years of marriage. Seven.years. That seems impossible. I remember as a child, when I heard someone had been married for ten years thinking 'Wow! They've been married for so long.' We're closing in on that, and we're not even 30! Ah, young love. Really young love. We were barely 21 and 22 respectively, and had no clue who we were or what we were doing when we got married. But, we did know that for whatever reason, we were supposed to be together.

It hasn't been easy. Years 3 and 5 were particularly rough; there were a few times we both seriously doubted if we'd make it. There have been times of hardship: financial; medical; job uncertainties; threats to the very vows we made; trying (and trying) to get pregnant; that crazy time we actually had a kid and our worlds turned upside down.

But there have been joys! Learning together, growing together, buying our first home, traveling and making so many memories, graduations, promotions, that crazy time we had a kid and our world turned upside down. :) So.many.joys.

I have loved watching you grow - as a person; emotionally, spiritually, coming into yourself and being confident in that man. Things that used to bother me about you I have learned to now love. I know that if we ever are in a spot where we need a shelter built, a blanket knitted and a cake to survive on, you sir, are the man for all three. And watching you as a daddy? Don't even get me started. You and Graham have something that is pure magic to watch.

Lord-willing, we have many more years in front of us, and they will include a lot more bumps and bruises, but also lots of new joys, and just a lot of plain living. I know we've got a few big challenges coming very soon - new adventures that will stretch and grow us even more.

But, as I sit here, I remember our very first date. 10 pm coffee (Miltons, actually) at the Drowsy Poet (who were we?! Coffee at 10 pm?? Pure.Crazy.) They let us stay past close and we talked til almost midnight (had to get back for curfew). As I walked up the steps to my dorm room, I remember very clearly thinking that in spite of everything that was different about us, and maybe because of those very things, that I was going to marry you. I'm so glad I was right.

Whatever God has in store for us, whatever new roads, new places, new struggles, new memories - I am so very grateful that God chose you for me to spend this life with. I know our future is only beautiful, whatever it holds.

Happy Anniversary my Love!!

Out with the Old

In with the 'everything is new what the heck is happening with my life?!'

OK, so maybe that's an exaggeration. But it does explain a wee bit why I've been MIA on this thing forever and a day. For some reason, when I'm trying to process things, I can't blog. I can write in a journal maybe, but mostly, I just think. I think of lots of things that I want to blog about, or journal about, or talk about...but then I just think some more. Finally, one day, it all comes spilling out. Or, rather, in a few days, and in spurts.

It's pretty much public knowledge where we live, but for the sake of my husband's job, we haven't said anything too specific out on the internet (read: Facebook) and still aren't. We'd like him to still have a job til we move. Oh, what was that, you say? Move? Yes. We're moving, Lord willing. To Iowa. The fact that I just typed that is possibly one of the strangest things I've ever done.

Honestly, I think it started around here. I didn't realize it then, but looking back, something was brewing. When we visited my family last August, we started talking 'what ifs'. I was really more 'what if' for a long time. Jim was a lot more serious a lot more quickly. It took a lot of thought, a lot of prayer, and a lot of breaking on my part. I couldn't imagine leaving our life here: our friends, our church, my job. That last one was honestly the hardest to let go of. I've moved a lot in my life, so am used to maintaining long distance friendships and resettling. But my job is something I am oddly attached to, and leaving it would mean not only leaving a company I love, but possibly a career, and for a lot of unknowns. I'll have a whole different post about that one.

But finally, I realized that it's what we're supposed to do. There are lots of reasons behind it - a need to slow down, a calling to focus more on our family right now, a desire to be near my extended family. But the overarching theme is really just that we truly feel it's where God is leading us. I have a feeling it's for a lot of reasons we don't even know about yet - more than just the Amish neighbors and chickens. :)

So, it's happening. Our house is for sale. My last day of work is September 12th. That's about all we really know right now. From there, it's a new adventure. Maybe this is our version of the '7 year itch' (our anniversary is next week). Who knows? What I do know, (and what gives me peace when I start silently freaking out) is that God goes before us, and that His plans for us are far greater than whatever we can imagine. I'm excited to discover them!

 (this is Iowa, FYI)