Lent

Growing up, we didn't really observe Lent. To be honest, I always thought it was something you did only if you went to a Catholic church. I also knew Mardi Gras had something to do with it as well and was just overall confused and thought it didn't apply to me.

Now, understanding more of the Christian calendar, I am learning to truly value the various seasons that come with that. Jim and I started observing Advent a couple of years ago, and it has added a whole new meaning to the Christmas season. I have always enjoyed the time leading up to Christmas; the lights, the calm, the wrapping of presents and watching of Christmas movies, the food (yum!), etc. But now, when Thanksgiving is over, I don't feel like there's a strange gap in between the 2 holidays...it's like one continual time of celebration and reflection. We move from being grateful into the season of anticipation, of reading of God's plan that has been from before the beginning of time, of waiting for that final point of celebrating the birth of the God-Man. Following this is the season of Epiphany (which we're just learning more about), celebrating the introduction of Christ as that God-Man.

So now, Lent is upon us and somehow, it managed to sneak up on me again this year. I don't know why; it happens at the same time every year - 40 days before Easter, yet still, I managed to realize only the day beforehand that it was again that season. I've wanted to observe the season for the last couple of years, but always realize it too late and then feel like I missed the boat somehow. This year, even though I am again a few days late, I really do want to take the time to observe the season. I think it's an important reminder of the sacrifice that Christ made on our behalf, but more than that, it is a reminder that this life is not about me. My daily struggles, my issues with identity in being a mom, the tiredness I'm facing daily that makes me want to hide under the covers and not come out...they're all a result of a focus on me, and not upward, not on Christ. I think that tangibly observing the season of Lent, feeling the sting, so to speak, of missing something that I am used to, may be a good way to refocus myself and remember that my life - my work, my home, my identity, my worth and value, my mommyhood - all of it is not about me, but about using these parts of my life to point to God and His grace.

So...what to give up? Alcohol?-I could, except I am drinking it to help with milk production and don't think that would be the wisest choice since I kind of need to make milk. TV? I have considered that...it is such an easy thing to get sucked into, especially during this season of American Idol...:) but at the same time, I think it's a way Jim and I sometimes can relax yet connect at the same time, especially when we like a show and can watch together. (plus I really want to watch Downton Abbey and am trying to get him into that...if I wait 40 days, I think it will be a lost cause!)

Facebook? Ouch. Sadly, I think that's what it's going to be. Maybe that sounds petty and stupid...maybe it is. But what I do know is I keep coming back to that. Literally, since I check it about 20x/day. On my phone, on the computer...anytime I have a quick second, I feel like it's the easiest go-to distraction. But that's just it - it's a distraction. Why do I need to be distracted so often? I keep rationalizing with myself though, as it can be used for good things; keeping up with old friends, posting pictures of G so that family can see him, encouragement from others' shared experiences.

But also, (and more often) it is used to fuel things in me that aren't so lovely: jealousy in seeing other people's lives and what's going 'so much better' in their life; Facebook stalking (I admit it, I do it.) that causes me to possibly judge what others are doing in a way I have no business judging them; comparison with other moms-their baby is so much easier, they do more things, they travel, they get more sleep, they look amazing. I think that last one is the worst; I can be having a decent day - even a good day - and then I read how someone's baby did so amazing last night or I see them taking a trip to the beach with their 4 month old, or any other thing that just seems to be better than what I'm doing that day, and all of a sudden I feel like a failure as a mom. These thoughts aren't edifying, and they're not beneficial to me being a good parent to G. I think I need to give myself a break from being able to compare so often, and just focus on us - what our life is like, how we do things as a family, what works for us. I say that so often to friends; "There's no right or wrong way to do it, just figure out what works for you!" but I have such a difficult time listening to my own advice.

So...I'm posting this. Then I'm putting up a link on Facebook, and starting tomorrow (because I like the idea of starting a new week fresh), I am going to be AWOL from Facebook until Easter. If you want to talk to me, there are things like email (alisha.meador@gmail.com), or phone (not posting that on here), or the novel idea of just hanging out. :) I can send pictures via email, and I can still blog. In fact, I have a hypothesis that I'll actually blog more without the Facebook as a distraction. We'll see if that holds true...and I'm excited to see what else I learn through this time, this season of dust.

This probably means I'm going to check Facebook about 200x today as I'll go through a slight period of mourning, but hey, grief comes in all forms. So, to everyone who has a birthday coming up: Happy Birthday! Hope your day is awesome. To everyone posting pictures of your kids: they are adorable. Seriously, how do you live with the cuteness? To all my friends that I'll hang out with: pretend I just tagged you in my status, so you know how important you are to me, and how cool I think you are.

Here goes nothing!