What I am not going to do, however, is write an entire blog about how I'm doing with the postpartum thing, or counseling, or what have you. Eventually, I probably will, but right now, I just don't feel like it, so why stress about it? (I say this to myself, in my inside voice. Wait...my inner voice. Inside voice would be like a quiet talking, and if I was talking out loud to myself, even quietly, we'd have more issues to address. Inner voice. Moving on...) Suffice it to say, God has used counseling, His Word, friends, circumstances, my husband, my baby, family...basically life in general to really help me through this time and I'm learning and growing a lot. There, done.
So what shall I blog about, do you ask? We'll see where the keyboard takes me. Can we first talk about how my son is all of a sudden a little mover? Like, within the last week he went from lying on his back and occasionally rolling over if he really felt like it, (but more often just making an "eh! eh! EH!" noise to be picked up), to now immediately rolling as soon as we lay him on the floor. He's on his side, he's on his tummy, he's on his back, he's turning, he's trying to sit up...baby proofing is in my near future. This should be interesting, considering our house is possibly the least baby-proofed place I know of. I love antiques, and we have an old house, so there are lots of random breakable things and nooks and crannies and old cabinets that don't shut properly; like I said, interesting. Or in other words, chaos. (Side note: I accidentally typed "don't shit properly" at first. I erased it, but laughed to myself at that sentence, because really, is there any cabinet that shits properly? I propose that there is not.)
Proof of his new mobility (he's obviously not quite sure what he thinks of it either:):
Photo taken by Sabrena Deal. She rocks. There's a link to her blog later. Or you can go to her website: www.scarterstudios.com
Hmm...what else? Phillip Phillips. He has nothing to do with my child except I'm pretty sure he'll make very pretty babies, and I think we (as in Jim and I) make pretty babies, so we have that in common.
I've decided that I need - I CRAVE - order in my life, possibly even more so now that we have a child. I find that ironic, since a baby basically says "Order? What is that? Is that where there is crap all over the house and poop on the floor and laundry overflowing? Oh that! Sure, we have order."
But there's this little rebel inside me (that inner voice, remember?) that sees that craziness and says, 'I can meet your mess and raise you 2 organized closets, an organized pantry, a huge pile of things to donate and a big fat "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" Take that baby.' And then I collapse in a big heap when I actually think about doing all of those things. So, rather than take that approach, I'm doing the turtle-type of thing (Tortoise and the Hare reference in case you're not quite with me here) and taking it one day at a time, slow and steady, practicing daily disciplines. I'm trying to tackle one big project every week, such as re-organizing the pantry (done. Feels so good.) I've realized that the little things tend to pile up and then I just get completely overwhelmed, so every day am trying to practice putting things in their place right away (assuming they have a place...if they don't, guess what, they're getting one. Boo-yah.). This can be difficult sometimes with a baby, and it doesn't always happen, however, with practice things become habit, and when something is a habit, it's automatic. The best way to break bad habits to to replace them with good ones, so that's what I'm doing, or trying to do at least.
This daily discipline thing is becoming an over-arching theme, and I kind of like it. I'm trying to stick to my cleaning list that I printed out not long after G was born...it's easier said than done. (reference the "Clean All the Things" above.) I get into these modes where I feel like I should do everything, every. day. Yeah, um no, self. Just no. So, sticking to the cleaning list is helpful, as I have one responsibility/day, but it's not overwhelming. I'm also trying to pick one special thing/month to do every day. This month, because I need it desperately, I'm trying to read Romans 8 every day. Doesn't matter what time, just that it gets done. I'm thinking June will be something to do with running...we'll see about that one! ;) With all of this, I'm learning that a disciplined life, while it may not sound quite as exciting as a spontaneous life, actually leaves more room for spontaneity, and allows me to "go with the flow" a lot more, because I'm not always focused on what could (or in my mind, should. evil, evil shoulds.) be done.
Now, I leave you with this picture that our friend took while babysitting. He was supposed to be asleep, and also should have had a larger pacifier (which we have since bought extra of!). I kind of love it.
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