Gifts

I think about what I want to blog about all the time. No, really. I really think "hmm...I should blog about that" probably at least 3 times/week. I even have things jotted down to blog about. (some of them: working mom life; bangs [as in hairstyle]; girlfriends and how hard they can be; Christians and honesty/real life] ) But then I get all caught up in the crazy that is my life right now and never do it. Tonight, however, that changes. Tonight, it is quiet (for now), cool, I have the door open, music playing and a glass of wine and I am going to blog, damn it. (ooo. Alcohol and cursing right up front; this means it should be a good one. And if it's not, don't burst my bubble. Just go with it.)

The past 3 weeks have been a whirlwind. Even as I type this, I'm shocked it's been 3 weeks - they have all kind of blurred together. I've been to a conference in Arlington, meetings on Capitol Hill (bucket list - yep, it was on there), watched the sun set from the Jefferson Memorial, danced to karaoke with people of all abilities, spent a week at the beach with family, lost power for a week (those weeks thankfully overlapped!), have a baby who now has 2 teeth is is almost crawling, celebrated a wonderful friend's 30th birthday, and have traveled 400 miles in the last 3 days for work.

Lots has happened, and I feel like I've learned a lot. I'm not entirely sure how it all has worked together or if I'll ever really figure it out, but, while my head still feels like it's in about 800 different places, I feel more centered, more...peaceful, I guess, than I have in a long time. Don't get me wrong, I was stressed today and felt hectic and stretched and just wanted to hide for a while...but getting back to that sense of calm in the midst of chaos hasn't been quite as difficult lately.

Something just clicked a few weeks ago. I was really struggling with just never feeling like anything was enough...constantly behind on everything: work, home, parenting, Pinterest projects, cooking...whatever. And, to be honest, I still feel that way. I think the difference is I'm learning to accept that I can't do everything and I have the ability to choose. I can choose to focus on the crazy parts of life, or I can choose to focus on the good, and see the good - and the bad, and the hectic, and the sad, and the everything - as gifts.

I'm a bookworm (read: nerd alert), and I think God's really used that to teach me some good life lessons. I read Kelle Hampton's book Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected as soon as it came out. I knew it would hit home with all the unexpected I've run into in this motherhood journey, and boy did it ever. I still have it by my bed because I know I'm going to need to re-read it and refer to it often. Along the same lines, I had started reading Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are, when I was pregnant. Her writing is beautiful, but definitely very...flowy, I guess I would say, and for a while I tired of it and put it down. But about a month ago, I felt this irresistible urge to just pick it back up again. And when I did, it was like everything I couldn't quite pin down in my mind and all the things I couldn't put into words just clicked. I brought it with me to my conference, and with the added time to myself was really able to read and think about things.

Since this is getting long, to sum it up (and completely jack the author's words): all is grace. As I was driving Graham to daycare this morning I head Laura Story's song "Blessings", and there is a part that says "We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering, All the while, You hear each spoken need, Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things." That is it! Me, in my prideful, type-A ways am convinced so often that my way is best. That if things would only be this way I would be more content, more happy, more at peace, more... How.dare.I. Everything God gives me is for my good (reference Psalm 118) So often I fail to remember that God chose me, loves me and is for me. This means everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, He is using to shape me and is for my good. And I can choose to see each of these things as a gift from His hand, or choose not to. But I'm learning that life somehow works a bit better when I choose the first option.

Here's a random list I jotted down while at the conference...see? I told you I think about blogging; this was even started as a post while there. Maybe they won't make any sense to you, but I like them.

God's sovereignty
Christians being un-Christian; not direct, tip-toeing around issues (learning how to be honest and real)
Autism
Good conversations with husband
time to think, relax, enjoy
Learning!
Fresh eyes - renewed passion for people
Inspired
Bucket lists
Lists of good things
sleep
love for a baby
community
sharing/growing
fancy hotel things
big city life
gorgeous blue skies, strong breezes
bubble baths and good music

What are some gifts you've noticed in your life lately? Or, if you haven't, maybe now is a good time to look for them...I promise, it will be a good thing. (side note: when I say it's a 'good thing' I feel like Martha Stewart. Didn't she always have a segment on her show saying 'It's a good thing.' ? That is all.)